Throughout my life I’ve spent a lot of time staring at closed doors. I’m talking about those heavy, industrial-grade doors we bolt shut ourselves because we’re convinced we aren’t “talented enough,” “qualified enough,” or we think because we messed up once and decided we don’t deserve another shot at the title.
Looking back at my journals from the last decade, I’ve noticed see a pattern. In 2017, I was wrestling with the “unknowns” related to changing companies, feeling like I was stuck on a sinking ship. In 2021, I was beating myself up over a home remodel idea that never seemed to get off the ground. Last year it was anxiety about not progressing at my workout goals and feeling like it was all pointless. And the list goes on…
We are our own toughest landlords, aren’t we? We lock the doors to our potential and then complain that the room is too small.
But here is the hard-won wisdom I’ve gathered from years of course corrections: That door you think is dead-bolted? It’s actually just waiting for a change in perspective.
The Myth of the “Permanent Mistake”
We often think that if we fail at something—a business venture, a fitness goal, or even a parenting moment—that door is locked forever. I remember a day in 2023 when I chose not to eat with my boys at McDonald’s because I was so focused on “clean eating goals.” Later that night I felt like I’d robbed us of a “Now Moment.”
I could have locked the door right there and labeled myself a “rigid dad.” But the truth is that a legacy life isn’t built on a single perfect day. It’s built on the boldness to open the door again the next morning, and the one after that, and so on.
In the long run, your mistakes aren’t walls; they are the very things that qualify you to lead.
You can’t teach a son how to handle a loss if you’ve never struck out yourself. You can’t show a friend how to find “mental peace” if you haven’t navigated the storms of anxiety or frustration in your own life.
Why the God (and Life) Often Knocks Twice
I believe there is a Momentum in the Universe that wants us to grow – you may choose to call it Divine Providence, the Tao, or just the relentless “Force of Life,” – I’ll stick with “GOD.”
I’ve witnessed God act in my own life. I spent years worrying about if my career was a “fulfilling way” to provide for my family and still build a legacy. Although I did well in my role I never seemed to be able to progress forward. I pondered the question of changing jobs more times than I can count. But I was afraid of the unknown.
But then, I stopped worrying about work and started focusing more on what I could control – especially the activities that make up my “Legacy Life”—my writing, my coaching, my role as a father and husband who is the “rock my family soars from,” my mind and body goals, and more. That’s when the doors of LIFE started to open up – not because I suddenly became a genius and made major changes, but because I stopped leaning my whole body weight against the locked doors of my mind.
Over time, with family life better than ever, my career also blossomed, opening up new opportunities that gave me a chance to make an exponentially greater impact on others that led to more fulfillment for me. It became the best of both worlds and I’m so grateful for God’s MANY blessings.
When an opportunity presents itself that seems “overwhelming,” perhaps it’s not a mistake. Perhaps it’s an invitation. If you feel a new confidence or a sudden spark of boldness, don’t over-analyze it. Perhaps that’s God breathing in your direction, telling you that your past failures have actually been a specialized training program for your future.
The Practical Integration: How to “Unlock” Today
Wisdom without action is just a nice sentiment, and That Helpful Dad doesn’t do “just nice.” We need a plan. If we want to open those doors, we have to prepare the room.
1. Audit Your “Locked Rooms”
Take ten minutes tonight. What is the one thing you’ve told yourself you “can’t” do because of a past hurt or a perceived lack of talent? Is it writing that book? Getting heart healthy? Improving your relationship with your spouse? Write it down. Acknowledging the door is the first step to unlocking it.
2. The “10-Minute Rule”
In my 2022 goals, I wrote: “The key to all this is not only scheduling a goal but also DOING it… try to just 10 mins a day and see what happens.” If the door feels too heavy to swing open, just crack it. Do 10 minutes of that “tough” thing and do it early in your day. You’ll find that God often meets you in the effort, not the contemplation.
3. Upgrade Your “Legacy Tools”
Sometimes we keep doors locked because we feel unorganized or overwhelmed. If your “door” is mental health, stop over-complicating it. In 2024, I focused on “Now Moments” and simple “Family Dinners” an that focused led so many wonderful memories I was able to enjoy because I was ‘present’ with those I cared about most.
The Practical Hack: Grab a high-quality physical journal or journal app (like Daylio) and starting tracking your day. When you document your “wins”—even the tiny ones—you build the “Legacy Evidence” you need to prove to your fear that you are capable.
The Legacy CTA
Here’s your homework, and I’m saying this with all the “Dad energy” I can muster: Stop disqualifying yourself!
That mistake you made five years ago? It’s over. That talent you think you lack? You’ll develop it on the job. Today, I want you to re-open one door. Send the email. Make the call. Forgive yourself for the “McDonald’s moment” of your past and step into what my youngest son calls the “Cravaganza” of your future.
God knows what’s in you. It’s time you believed it, too.
What is the one “locked door” you’re going to put your hand on today? Sometimes just saying it out loud is the key turning in the lock.
If I could go back and tell my younger self that peace of mind isn’t only found by making money or having a good gym workout, but sometimes just by enjoying the noisy sounds of a busy household, he wouldn’t have believed me. This article is about that life lesson.
In this “Life Playbook” entry, I’m looking back at a recent Saturday afternoon where I let the ordinary sounds of my family living their lives spiral me into a “blah” mood. Something I’ve learned over the years it that there’s a specific kind of silence we often chase that doesn’t actually exist. Try though I might, I sometimes fall into this trap, but when I’m at my best I remind myself that the noise that irritates us is actually the heartbeat of our greatest legacy.
As a ‘driver’ personality, I sometimes equate ‘peace’ as a mindset I can achieve ONLY by checking every box on a to-do list and ending the day with a quiet household. I could just finish my chores early… If I can just get the gym… If I can help everyone get their homework done… If… If… If… THEN I can finally relax.
But my perception of a “perfect” day is often a trap — the very sounds that sometimes irritate us are actually the heartbeat of a life well-lived.
The “Blah” Day
Recently, I had what should have been a great Saturday. I finished my morning chores early and the gym was a great option. Even better my boys were around for some basketball shooting or baseball catch. Or maybe we could have cooked dinner together. But instead of leaning into that abundance, I let a wave of laziness take over and spent the afternoon laying in bed doing Sudoku, watching TV, and spiraling into a late nap. None of which made me feel better.
I was jolted about of my nap by the ‘click clack bang’ sounds of my wife in the next room . She was simply doing her own chores and moving things around in her closet, but in my downward spiraling mood, those ordinary sounds felt like an assault on my peace. The sounds of my boys whooping in the driveway playing ball with their friends, further frayed my nerves. I felt the anxiety rise – followed closely by a heavy blanket of depression because I hadn’t “used” my free time “correctly.”
What did I do? I stayed in my room watching TV and self-medicated with a drink and some mindless snacks. I told myself it would quiet the noise in my head – it didn’t work.
What I missed that day a failure to recognize that “peace” isn’t the absence of noise—it’s the presence of perspective.
The Illusion of the “Quiet Life”
If I could go back and tell myself one thing, it would be this: The “click-clack” of your wife in the other room and the “hooting” of your boys sports aren’t distractions from your life. They ARE your life.
We spend so much of our time “laboring for the wealth of this world,” thinking that financial freedom or a perfectly ordered home will finally bring contentment. We sometimes treat our family’s needs and even their mere presence as hurdles to jump over so we can get to ‘our’ goals. But true riches aren’t found in the silence of a finished to-do list; they are grown in the “memorable moments” that often look like interruptions.
When you feel that irritation rising because the house is “loud” or your plans for a “perfect” productive day have shifted into a “blah” afternoon, remember that you are currently living the days you will one day look back on with a bittersweet ache. The anxiety I felt from those “click-clack” sounds was really just my own internal resistance to the “Tao” or the flow of the moment. I was trying to control the environment rather than being grateful for the people in it.
Don’t Miss the Chance to ‘Reset’ the Day
When you find yourself spiraling into that “off” mood—where you’re too tired to move but too restless to relax—you need a circuit breaker.
On that day, I asked myself later…
Could going to the gym have ‘reset’ the day?
Could playing with my kids increased my joy?
Could helping my wife with her chores, brought me happiness?
The answer is almost always YES – well maybe not doing the chores, but hey nobody is perfect right? Even still, the point is that going to the gym (for example) isn’t about the calories burned, but the fact that movement changes your state of mind. When you move your body, you move the stagnant energy that allows anxiety and depression to take root.
When the “noise” of life gets too loud, the solution isn’t to demand silence. The solution is to change your own frequency. Whether it’s a quick workout, a walk with your spouse, or choosing a “Now Moment” with the kids over a mindless snack and a beer, the fact is that you have the power to course-correct.
That Helpful Dad’s Pocket Guide: The Golden Rules for Household Peace
The 10-Minute Movement Rule: If you’re feeling “off” or irritable, don’t give up and lie down to wallow. Move for 10 minutes—walk, lift, or stretch. Movement is the best medicine for a “blah” mood.
Reframe the Noise: Next time you hear the “click-clack” of your family, stop and say a quick prayer of gratitude. That noise means you aren’t alone.
Audit Your “Self-Medication”: If you’re reaching for a drink or a snack because you’re “sensitive” or “anxious,” you’re just borrowing trouble from tomorrow. Choose a “vibrant life” choice instead – one that brings a smile to your face.
Prioritize the “Five Good Minutes”: Even on a bad day, you can find five minutes to truly connect with your kids or spouse. These golden minutes can anchor the day in what matters most.
The Legacy Life Call to Action.
Listen, life is fleeting. Don’t waste another afternoon being “too sensitive” to the sounds of the people you love living their lives.
Your Action Step Today: Go to the “noisiest” part of your house—wherever the kids are playing or your spouse is working—and instead of asking them to quiet down, join them for five minutes. Ask about their day, give a hug, or just sit in the “click-clack” and be grateful you’re there to hear it.
In the long run, that’s the only thing that’s going to matter and you’ll be glad you added to the noise!
Manti Te’o – when you hear the name you think of one thing – ‘he’s that football player fool who got catfished by another dude.’ But if that’s all you know about him, then you don’t really know Manti Te’o and you’re missing the chance to discover a hero that can inspire us all.
Manti Te’o ’s life is the story of What Might Have Been versus What Is. As an All-American football player, Manti might have led Notre Dame to the 2013 National Championship. As a Can’t Miss prospect, Manti might have been a 1st draft draft pick in the NFL. Given his off the chart talent Manti might have gone on to become an NFL Hall of Fame linebacker and enjoyed a lifetime of rabid fans forever shouting his name. All this and more might have become Manti’s life’s story, yet none of them ended up being Manti’s reality.
As it turned out, Notre Dame got destroyed by Alabama in the 2013 College Football Championship game. While Manti did get drafted by the NFL, it wasn’t until the second round — as a result he lost millions of dollars by his draft status fall. And although he did play in the NFL for eight seasons, his chances of making the Hall of Fame are the same as mine and yours – zero.
And yet, for all the things Manti Te’o might have become but failed to achieve, there is something that he is – and always has been – a HERO that should inspire us.
Everyone knows the catfish story about how another guy duped Manti into an online relationship with a fake female persona back when Manti was at Notre Dame. The story is so outlandish that you probably concluded that either Manti was an evil prick who was part of the hoax or else he was an incredibly stupid fool to let himself get catfished so publically. Either way that story is now old news, so you’ve probably long since written Manti Te’o off as just another loser whose ten minutes of fame have thankfully long since gone away.
But then you watch the Netflix documentary Untold: The Girlfriend Who Didn’t Exist and you realize that you were the fool to think you knew what Manti Te’o was all about, because by dismissing him without a second thought, you’re missing the best part of the story – the part that matters the most – you’re missing the fact that Manti Te’o did become a hero – a hero who can inspire more than just football fans, a hero who can inspire us all.
What makes someone a Hero? We could argue about what the word Hero means, but in the time before words got changed to drive political agendas, most people would probably agree that a hero is someone who faced incredible adversity, who fought through it with persistence instead of giving up, and who ultimately overcame their challenge in a way that inspires others. If that hero can display bravery and a selfless compassion for others all the better. I believe that if you take the time to learn the rest of his story, you will see that Manti Te’o IS a hero – he’s always been a hero – and we can all learn something from him.
That Mant Te’o was a hero growing up in Hawaii and later at Notre Dame is without question – his laundry list of accomplishments on the football field and volunteer work in the community would make any parent proud to call him ‘son.’ By his senior year at Notre Dame he was beloved by fans everywhere, and with his entire adult life still before him it appeared that the world was his oyster – fortune and glory was within reach – but then he got catfished and everything changed. .
What really happened with the catfish situation? When you examine the facts, it seems likely that Manti Te’o was a naive kid with a good heart who got caught up in a web of lies by another person that Manti should never have trusted. Had Manti not been famous, the catfish scenario probably would not have devolved into the mess it became, but unfortunately for him, Manti’s success at the time attracted a media circus that propelled the story into everyone’s daily news feed. When Manti finally realized there was a problem with the girlfriend who never was, it was too late – he was too young and ill equipped to stop the media machine that was actively feeding off his never-before-seen story.
Manti describes the events of that time like a ‘Tidal Wave that swept his life away’ – he became trapped into riding that wave, hoping it would end, yet powerless to stop it. Events spiraled out of control despite his best efforts. Manti’s life was just getting started and he was on the verge of superstardom when the catfish incident derailed not just his NFL career, but his entire life, and that of those around him. The amazing life story that might have been for Manti, and probably should have been — suddenly never was.
Manti tried to pursue his football dreams – yet he couldn’t escape his public shame. Playing in the NFL kept him in the spotlight, and with the power of 24/7 social media, Manti remained the butt of countless cruel memes, the punchline of comedians’ jokes, and he suffered constant abuse from former fans whenever he took the field. Even when the rest of us eventually laughed the story away, Manti was forced to deal with the aftereffects of it in the years that followed – not just what it did to him personally, but also how it affected his family. The abuse was surely crushing.
By all accounts Manti Te’o should have been destroyed by the public ridicule he took – a lesser man would have killed himself many times over during that long ordeal. Watching the documentary and seeing the classy way Manti Te’o carries himself is both heartbreaking and inspiring. I see Manti’s tears and I want to cry for him – for all the pain he had to endure and for all that he lost in life. The process should have torn him apart. I’m sure it did. Yet like any true hero, Manti Te’o did not give up – facing adversity beyond his strength, Manti says he fell back to what he knew was his foundation – his family and his faith.
That he was able to survive such a tidal wave of adversity is perhaps a one in a million chance. That he was able to eventually thrive is a testament to his courage and character. Manti not only weathered the storms but became stronger for it. Perhaps this is because Manti didn’t seek revenge against his abuser, but instead Manti’s faith gave him the strength to somehow forgive the person who so cruelly took advantage of him.
The Netflix documentary delves deep into the alleged motives of the person behind the catfishing incident – a (now) transgender individual named Roniah. Regardless of Roniah’s reasons for stringing Manti along, the fact is that Roniah ruined Manti Te’o’s life – or at least the life that ‘might have been.’ As described in the documentary, Roniah preyed upon Manti Te’o’s innocence and his catfishing of Manti led to Manti’s NFL draft status fall – costing Manti and his family untold millions of dollars in lost contract money (and possibly even more in lost endorsement deals). And yet, somehow, Manti still had the compassion to forgive his abuser for his/her sins. It takes a true hero to display that kind of compassion.
Like Manti, all of us live through the ‘seasons’ of life – the carefree spring, the joyful summer, the rest period of fall, and the sadness of winter. Manti was in the springtime of his life when he got catfished – he was young, healthy, and had unlimited potential. Manti’s summer season should have been one of money, fame, and the easy life of a surefire NFL star. Given his magnetic personality, Manti’s ‘autumn’ of life would probably have seen his post-NFL career move into broadcasting and/or church leadership. But that’s not what happened – Roniah’s cruel catfishing propelled the young Manti from that wonderful spring directly into a dark winter – a winter that should have destroyed him – and that should have been the end of Manti Te’o.
Yet wisdom tells us ‘There is no winter that lasts forever; the spring will always come’ and that’s true for Manti Te’o too. Fot it seems the end of our story is instead a new beginning – as it turns out Manti finally found the summer of life he missed out on so long ago. Oh, he never did become a football superstar – instead Manti became something more: a happily married husband, a loving father, and someone who showed us that, no matter how big the storm, there is always a path back to happiness. By forgiving his abuser and persevering, Manti Te’o has become a hero not just in the NFL, but for the world.
Today I’d like to share with you one of the tips my wife and I have used to improve our parenting skills – it’s called the Family Bedtime Chat. The concept is simple – before we all go to bed, we meet as a group in one of the bedrooms and everyone gets a chance to tell about their day (what they liked and perhaps what they didn’t). It takes less than 5 minutes to do and yet those 5 minutes are often some of the best ‘family time’ of the day. Perhaps you might give it a try with YOUR family too?
How our Family Bedtime Chats Started
We’ve been doing Family Bedtime Chats for about 6 years now. They’ve developed over time, but the concept has remained the same. My wife, my kids, and I all take turns briefly talking about our day. I started the idea when my sons were 2 and 7 respectively and the original idea was for each person to tell the group 1 thing they liked about the day.
The reason I came up with the idea was because I was trying to help my boys understand the concept of “Now Moments” – those treasured moments of life that make life better and which occur every day if we simply take the time to recognize them. I had no idea the little life lesson I was trying to teach would turn into a family tradition that’s lasted so long, but it turned out my family really loves them and they’ve become such a habit that it’s something we try to do every day – even I’m travelling for work or a couple of us are camping for scouts, we’ll spend some time on the phone together to do our bedtime chat. It’s just part of who are are as a family now and that’s something I’m so grateful for.
The Roadblock that almost killed our Chats in the very beginning.
This tradition wasn’t always roses. While our older son (Jax) was happy to participate along with my wife and I, our youngest son (JeeHo) has always been a bit of a tough nut and at first he didn’t want to talk at all. We didn’t force him to talk if didn’t want to, but we still made him sit and listen to the rest of us so he could hear about our day. He was ok with that. After a couple weeks he was willing to talk a bit – however JeeHo preferred to tell us something he did NOT like about his day!
That was a bit of a twist but we let JeeHo run with his idea and to encourage him further all modified our routine by having everyone tell 1 thing they like and 1 thing they didn’t. JeeHo then 1-upped us again by happily telling us all about the many things he did NOT like about his day (he didn’t like dinner, his older brother Jax teased him, he fell and hurt himself, etc) and sometimes we’d get a tiny thing he maybe liked (playing with Jax, Daddy reading to him, swimming, etc). Over time, JeeHo has grown out of ONLY talking about the bad things and now he happily shares the many things he likes about his day – although to this day his daily chat almost always includes something he didn’t like. (Hey, you can’t win evey parenting battle right?)
What our Family Bedtime Chats are like today
Over the years our chats have morphed – we no longer have the ‘structure’ we had in the early days. Instead it’s just a matter of getting together as a group and each sharing something – it could be about what happened that day, or maybe something they are looking forward to the next day, or maybe it’s about a problem they’re having, or in JeeHo’s case some idea for a new invention he has cooking. Very often I’ll talk about something I’m grateful (for example: “I’m thankful that God has blessed us by letting us all be here together, that we’re all happy, that we love each other, and that we’re healthy.”
All told the entire chat takes 3-5 minutes then we give everyone a quick kiss and it’s off to bed.
The Priceless Aspect of our Family Bedtime Chats
Let me share with you perhaps my favorite thing about our bedtime chats – it’s a tradition within a tradition so to speak. Our oldest son Jax had to overcome verbal apraxia and sometimes it takes him a bit of time to think of what he wants to say. The bedtime ritual was a bit challenging for him at first and so to give himself time he would often say “I like right now” before telling us something else he liked about his day. That phrase “I like right now” always touched my heart because Jax is a sincere person and I knew when he said that – even though it was giving his mind time to think of something else – it was 100% true.
For my oldest son to tell us that one of his favorite parts of the day was to be sitting with his family chatting before bed was incredible to me.
To this day, he still says “I like right now” every time we do a bedtime chat – and very often one 1 or more of the rest of us will say it too. It’s truly priceless.
Who has time for a Bedtime Chat?
I get it – life is hard and it often pulls us in many different directions. Especially as the kids have gotten older and have gotten involved in after school activities (sports, homework, friends, etc, etc), time flies each day. Throw in trying to have a family dinner, get cleaned up, and maybe have a bit of time to watch some Netflix before bed and there’s not a lot of time before bed. I’m sure it’s the same for you. But, like I’ve mentioned, a bedtime chat doesn’t have to take an hour – invest just a few minutes (literally 3, 4, or 5 minutes) and you’ll build a family lifeline that will pay you massive dividends by keeping a regular line of communication open with your kids.
Make Family Bedtime Chats part of your Evening Routine.
Regular readers know I’ve professed the benefits of the Morning Routine for years – getting a jump start on your day with a bit of structured habits sets you up for success – but what about your EVENING Routine? You probably have a lot of things you do nightly before you go to bed, right? Why not add a bedtime chat with your family into the mix?
Spending a few minutes with your kids talking about your day can yield tremendous benefits and is a great ROI for your time so give it a try and start your first Family Bedtime Chat tonight. You’ll be glad you did!
We live in troubled times – just like the disciples of Christ did. We are plagued by feelings of fear, weakness, pride, anger, and more – just like Christ’s apostles were. Which begs the questions – are their lessons we can learn from Jesus’ followers to help improve our own lives? I want to share an article with you that I read on The Federalist – it’s beautiful and I hope you enjoy it…
We revere the saints of the Gospels. Matthew and Mark, Luke and John, Peter, Philip and Simon, James, Andrew, Bartholomew, and Thaddaeus.
Their courage in spreading the Word from Ukraine to Egypt and from India to Spain, and their bravery when put to death, serve as examples most of us can only hope to approach. But it comes more naturally to follow their path on Holy Saturday when Jesus lay in the tomb and his handpicked followers cowered in fear. In these times, we might prefer to look at them as if apart from us — it’s easy, as we prepare for the vigil or for Easter morning. But in truth, these are the very days when we are most like the Twelve.
On his final journey to the cross, the Apostles failed and faltered repeatedly. They’d lived in the shadow of Christ, holding his hand, hearing his words, seeing his miracles, and yet they did not understand. Worse yet, they were afraid. Along with Judas Iscariot, they were among the first to follow the Lord — and the first to leave him: Judas, to betray and suffer damnation, but the others to fall asleep, to cower, to deny, and to hide. And from the beginning, it was so.
After hearing how Peter begged Christ not to go to Jerusalem to suffer his passion and die, we might wonder how he could dare rebuke God’s plan. But today, we know the journey Christ was on and we’ve heard it a thousand times; his Disciples walked it, and they were afraid.
Today, we know it was for Jesus to suffer, die, be buried, and rise again on the third day, and we know that he did this to free us from sin, yet still, in public and in private we disobey him. Every one of us, to some degree or another, is guilty. This is certain because we are human. Though firm in his command to a frightened Peter, Jesus explained just where his follower had erred. “You,” he said, “are thinking not as God does, but as human beings do.” The Lord knew why Peter was afraid, just as he knows why we are weak in our moments of trial, fearing sacrifice and death. Fearing pain.
“There is nothing more tragic in all the world than wasted pain,” the Venerable Archbishop Fulton Sheen once said. “Think of how much suffering there is in hospitals, among the poor and bereaved.”
Think also of how much of that suffering goes to waste. How many of those lonesome, suffering, abandoned, crucified souls are saying with our Lord at the moment of Consecration: “This is my body, take it?” And yet that is what we should be saying at that second. “Here is my body, take it. Here is my soul, my will, my energy, my strength, my poverty, my wealth—all that I have. It is yours. Take it! Consecrate it! Offer it!” Offer it to the Heavenly Father with yourself, in order that he, looking down on this great sacrifice, may see only you, his beloved Son, in whom he is well pleased. Transmute the poor bread of my life into your life; thrill the wine of my wasted life into your divine Spirit; unite my broken heart with your Heart; change my cross into a crucifix.
Sheen’s words are beautiful. They are comforting to meditate on. In them, we have the tools to face anything, yet while in my own private moments of anguish I have sometimes succeeded, I can vividly recall the times I have failed utterly and completely.
The Disciples had been told they were following Christ to his passion, and while they struggled to understand they followed him still to Jerusalem. It’s easy to plan to offer ourselves up in times of distress and great pain, but at the moment when panic, anguish, and real hurt rack us, more often man falls short.
Again and again, Christ’s chosen faltered just as we have and will. At Holy Thursday at his final Passover, even while Jesus confronted Judas and warned those gathered that his betrayer was among them, the Apostles argued over which of them should be regarded as the greatest. Though Peter, the rock on which Christ would build his church, was specifically warned of his coming sin, at the moment of trial Peter denied his Lord still.
When Jesus carried his cross to Golgotha, only a few — his mother, her sister, Mary Magdalene, and John, the youngest of the Twelve — followed with him. When God looked down from his cross, only one of the Twelve stood ready to hear the command to honor Mary, his mother. While the Son of Man lay in the tomb, as he said he would for three days, his Apostles hid from the high priests and the mob; only the woman were there on Easter to speak with the angels.
“Surely not I, Lord,” we assure ourselves when we hear of their failings — just as the saints who built the church assured themselves at the Last Supper. But we live our lives in lust and anger, laziness and greed, pride and gluttony. We give in to temptation, we don’t do what we know we should, we tend to our bodies over our souls, and we hold ourselves in arrogance above perfect strangers. We drink and we drug with food, alcohol, pills, television, whatever we can get our hands on; and we judge others for doing the same as we do, or simply choosing a different vice than our own.
Christ knew all of this of course. He did not come because the Apostles were saints, nor because we are, but because men are guilty. He knows our weakness intimately because he became man: God and man at once, a mystery on full display in the garden Thursday night when the Son asked the Father if he might take this cup away from him. He knew God’s will be done, and he knew the Holy Spirit would soon come upon the men who, just feet away from his agony, could not stay awake for even his final hours.
And when they nailed his hands and his feet, he felt pain.
How often have we questioned God’s plan? In our heart of hearts, how many of us have felt angry, even? For ourselves, maybe, but for the innocent, too. Why must they suffer, we ask God. What have they done? It’s the same suffering that brings us to our knees, praying for their health, their loved ones, and their souls. It is the same suffering that, C.S. Lewis wrote, is God’s “megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” A God who lived in poverty, and a God who suffered.
This Holy Saturday, while we wait in expectation for Easter Sunday, remember those mere men in the Bible. Their fear and their weakness are not foreign at all — they are you and me. And with the Holy Spirit, they built Christ’s church.
I’m guessing you’re reading this article because you’re like me – you’re looking for a way to learn how to build muscle after 45 and get back in shape again. You know there are obstacles to this goal, but you also know that solutions exist to overcome these challenges and you want to learn what they are so you can employ these little life hacks and be proud of your body again. If this sounds like you then keep reading!
Look, I get it – as we get older, many outlandish thoughts and ideas tend to come into our minds.
“I fancy learning to ride a motorbike”
or
“I am going to learn to skydive”
A few of us maturing men may even think to ourselves;
“I am going to finally begin a serious workout program and get into the best shape of my life, complete with six pack abs”
Some people would call this a midlife crisis maybe, but let’s not be harsh with ourselves here. I am going to assume that the reason you decided to sit at your computer and Google about how to build muscle after 45 is due to the unrealized ambitions and fitness dreams that have yet to come to fruition for you.
Do not fret though! There is still time, and with the advanced tactics I am going to talk you through here in this article, you will be armed with all the knowledge you need to go out there and achieve the physique you desire, despite being over the age of 45.
So let’s dive into the meat and potatoes of why men struggle to get in shape as they enter their midlife years, and how we can bypass the aging process to a certain degree.
Why is it Harder to Get In Shape as We Age and How Can We Overcome it?
[lwptoc]
Editor’s Note: This article is provided courtesy of our friend Nicholas Walker, Founder of The Muscle Expert. We’re excited to be able to bring you Nick’s content and if you enjoy this article, please be sure to let the editorial staff of ThatHelpfulDad.com know so that we can provide more articles like this.
The Obstacles
Obstacle 1: Incorrect Mindset
In all honesty, one main reasons we struggle to achieve our health and fitness goals as we age in my humble opinion is down to mindset. We believe that age plays a bigger part than it actually does, and so it more often than not becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Now, of course age does make things a little harder, but not as much as we would like to think.
How many times do you hear someone exclaim the words “I’m getting too old for this” whilst engaged in some form of mildly strenuous activity?
Never forget…
The journey to the physique you desire begins with the belief that you are able to make that journey in the first place.
In this article you will soon find out how important it is to approach your quest for abs and the opportunity to build muscle after 45 with the right mindset right from the outset. This will really help motivate you through the challenging times on your journey. You will also find it easier to make the required behavioral changes in order to get results.
So, how do we change our mindset for the better? How do we create such a strong belief within ourselves so strong that we can achieve our goals, despite the obstacles that we may face along the way?
The answer is through a mental form of ‘fake it until you make it’
Professional sports people often use the power of visualization and mental rehearsal in order to get themselves in ‘the zone’, and to mentally practice the actions they need to take in order to get the results they desire. This method of ‘mental practice’ has proved very effective for the people who use it.
That being said, It would be of great benefit to you to try a little visualization exercise for yourself once a day. It doesn’t need to be long. Just spend 10 minutes every day with your eyes closed, and as vividly as you can, visualize yourself already with the body you desire.
How do you stand? How do your walk? What kinds of clothes do you wear as a result of your hard efforts in the gym and with your diet program?
It’s amazing how much effect a simple little exercise like this can have on the results you will go on to achieve. I urge you to give it a go!
Obstacle 2: Lack of Sleep and Increased Stress
Feeling exhausted.
The stresses of modern adult life, and the corporate pressures that come along with it can be enough to put a dramatic halt to your health fitness efforts. First off, when we are under pressure, our bodies release large amounts of the hormone cortisol. Cortisol has many functions in the body including regulating your metabolism, immune system and blood pressure. The bad news is that an overabundance of cortisol over a prolonged period of time can result in fat gain for the person concerned. Other symptoms of elevated cortisol levels may also include a decrease of energy, sex drive and muscle mass among many other things.
Not only does stress cause an over secretion of cortisol, but it also interferes with our quality of your sleep. It is well known that the vast majority of your testosterone is produced at night while you sleep. Therefore, if you are lacking in a quality night’s rest, you will find that your testosterone levels will be lower and this can have a negative knock on effect with your ability to burn fat, build muscle and maintain general good health.
If you want the in the best possible shape as you age, then it is important to manage your levels of cortisol and keep them as low as possible. This will also allow for better sleep at night which will also help you achieve your goals.
The best way of doing this is to manage your stress levels effectively. There are many ways of lowering your stress and I will list a few of them here. Before I do, I would like to mention that eating a clean healthy diet with particular attention to your sugar, caffeine and alcohol intake will also help to keep your stress levels in check.
With that being said, here are some more ways in which you can remove some of the stress from modern life;
Practice Yoga – Yoga (amongst other forms of exercise) increases endorphins which make you feel good.
Take a walk outside – Being out in nature and the fresh has been proven to lower stress levels and improve your overall mood.
Listen to relaxing classical music – I highly recommend that you do a bit of research into The Mozart Effect. Studies suggest that it can be very effective for reducing stress and improving concentration due to the slower tempo of the music and the soothing timbres of the instruments.
Practice mindfulness/Learn to meditate – Mindfulness and meditation trains your mind to be able to focus more effectively and to have less of a reactive response to the stressful things happening around you. You are therefore more able to savor the pleasures in life with less stress and anxiety.
It is really important to take some time out of each day to work on yourself. It is so easy in the modern age to get carried away with the stresses of work, bringing up kids, meeting deadlines and generally trying to keep up with the pace of life. This will certainly increase your stress levels if you do not do anything about it.
Take 30-60 minutes out of each day to do something for you. I strongly recommend one of the activities I have listed above, as they are well known for their therapeutic and stress relieving qualities.
Obstacle 3: Increased Insulin Resistance
Over time, it is not uncommon for the male to begin to develop that dreaded ‘dad bod’!
Certainly by the time you reach the age of 45 or older, you will most likely find that you gain body fat a lot easier and quicker than you used to.
So why is this?
Why when you were younger, could you eat anything you wanted and still stay slim?
Yet now, all you have to do is simply look at a tub of ice cream the wrong way and you gain the pounds like there’s no tomorrow?
One of the main reasons for this is something called insulin resistance. Insulin resistance is something that can develop over a period of time if you have a tendency to over indulge in sugar and carbohydrate rich foods on a regular basis.
Insulin is the main ‘fat storage’ hormone which is released by the pancreas whenever you eat the above mentioned foods. Insulin’s job is to move glucose from the bloodstream and to push it into the liver and fat cells. However, overtime the more you spike insulin through eating the wrong foods, the less responsive your body becomes to the hormone which means the body has to secrete even greater amounts of insulin to get the same job done. This means that the body begins store even more fat.
So what is the cure?
The simple, but not necessarily easy solution to this is to find ways to keep your insulin levels as low as possible for as long as possible. We will be talking about how to do this in the next section because the solution for another problem men face when aging (low testosterone), happens to be the same solution for curing insulin resistance.
It is all about you diet, workout regime and a few other factors which you will learn about in a moment. Learn a few of these life hacks and you’ll be on your way to build muscle after 45 again in no time.
Obstacle 4: Decrease In Testosterone
Once you reach the age of 30, your testosterone normally begins to decrease by 1% every year. This can certainly become an issue once you enter your 40s and you are looking to get into, or stay in peak shape.
You may notice that you have less energy in general, you are more prone to gaining fat and losing muscle. Even libido and mood can take a downward turn as your testosterone production starts to dwindle.
You can see from the graph above how after the age of 30, testosterone begins to decrease gradually as each year passes. You can see how testosterone on average drops from around 900 ng/DL or more in their 20s, to a number as low as 100ng/DL by the time the same man is 80yrs old.
Poor lifestyle choices and their related health concerns over the course of a lifetime can also have detrimental effects on testosterone. For example, consider the following statistics…
So why does testosterone drop with age, and how can we prevent it from happening as much as possible?
Well, some of the reasons tie into the lifestyle and mindset points that I have already mentioned. It can be fairly easy to start using excuses to eat junk food, drink excess alcohol and to live a sedentary lifestyle as age creeps up on us. If you can get you mindset on track, and as a result live a healthier lifestyle in general, then you will certainly see an improvement in your testosterone levels and overall health.
Below is a summary of the main reasons as to why most men experience a drop in testosterone. Some of these reasons are unfortunately unavoidable. However as you can see, many of the reasons we can do something about.
The most common reasons are:
Testicular damage
Type 2 diabetes
Obesity
Hormonal disorders
Certain medications
Anabolic steroid use
Cancer treatments
Living a sedentary lifestyle
Over-consumption of alcohol
Natural process of aging
So how do we combat not only the testosterone issue but also the insulin resistance problem that we mentioned earlier?
There are actually a few things we can look at doing in order to help you reduce the amount your testosterone decreases whilst at the same time improving your insulin sensitivity.
It is worth noting that the points I will cover here are intended to help optimize your testosterone levels and bring them back to a healthy range. It is not possible to perform a ‘secret’ weights routine, or consume a magic pill that will take your testosterone to abnormally high levels and turn you into the incredible hulk overnight… sadly!
What we will discuss here, will help you take your testosterone levels to the higher end of the normal range, which will in turn make it a easier for you to build muscle mass, burn fat, have more energy and generally feel good. Likewise, restoring insulin sensitivity will take time some using the techniques that we will discuss here. However, with persistence and patience anything is possible.
With that said, let’s dig into the details of how we can increase your testosterone levels and restore insulin sensitivity naturally. It is doing these two things, along with engaging with an effective workout program, that will really allow you to get in shape after 45 and beyond.
The Solutions
Solution 1:Use Advanced Diet Strategies to Build Muscle and Burn Fat
When it comes to getting in shape at an older age and being able to build muscle after 45, we can really benefit from utilizing some advanced strategies which will really help to get the results we are looking for.
As we have already learned, spiking insulin causes fat gain. Not only this but the hormone also inhibits the production of testosterone Therefore, the best diet to follow is one that will keep your insulin as low as possible for as long as possible.
There are two main dieting styles that I want to discuss here that both perform this function very well. Which one you choose will depend on you, and which one you think that you can follow long term. It is actually possible to follow both of these eating protocols at the same time, which is actually the best way to it as it will really turbocharge your results.
However, you are certainly welcome to do just one of the other. At least to begin with.
The two dieting methods we will be discussing are;
The Ketogenic diet
Intermittent fasting
Each of these methods are very powerful in their own right, and as mentioned already, both of them can be very effective. This is because they both reduce the amount and frequency in which you consume sugar and carbohydrates which in turn means your body secretes less insulin. This allows your body to burn more fat and produce more testosterone.
Let’s look at each diet method in more detail.
The Ketogenic Diet
Keto Diet
The Ketogenic diet is a very low carbohydrate, moderate protein and high fat diet. The precise daily macronutrient ratios are;
Around 5% carbohydrates
Around 20% Protein
Around 75% healthy fats
Because this diet is very low in carbohydrates and somewhat high in fat, you end up burning all of the glucose out of your liver and so your body resorts to burning body fat and fat from your diet for fuel. This of course is great for losing weight.
Also, because you are drastically reducing the amount of carbohydrates you are consuming, your body secretes hardly any insulin whatsoever which means that your body is able to produce more testosterone. This of course is great when it comes to increasing strength and building muscle mass.
So, what kinds of foods are perfect for the ketogenic diet? What foods have a moderate amount of protein and a high amount of healthy fats that fit the Keto macronutrient ratio perfectly? Some good examples are;
Fish – Try to go for oily fish such as salmon. Oily fish is high in healthy fats and omega 3s whilst also providing a good dose of protein per serving too.
Nuts – Nuts such as almonds, macadamia and brazil nuts are perfect for Keto. They are high in fats and have a good amount of protein.
Eggs – This is my absolute favorite! This is because the fat/protein ratio in an egg fits perfectly into the macronutrient ratio required for ketogenic eating.
For some people, cutting carbohydrates and sugar out of their diet almost completely can seem just too daunting. What’s more, some people may have consulted with their doctor (which I highly recommend you do before starting any new diet program), and come to the conclusion that the Keto diet would not be suitable for them.
In which case, intermittent fasting is another viable option which can get you very similar results.
Intermittent Fasting
Intermittent Fasting
Intermittent fasting is very simple in principle, and it provides many of the same benefits the Ketogenic diet. These benefits can really help you overcome what you may feel is an age related barrier to reaching your health and fitness goals. Fasting simply involves abstaining from food and certain liquids that stimulate a metabolic response in the body. Because you are not eating, you are not stimulating the secretion of insulin and therefore your body burns fat for fuel instead. Your body basically becomes a fat burning machine complete with fully restored insulin sensitivity.
As already mentioned earlier, insulin also inhibits the production and secretion of testosterone. Therefore, if you fast for a number of hours (preferably between 18-24), you significantly increase the amount of testosterone your body can produce and use for various functions around the body. This makes building and retaining muscle mass, and burning fat easier. You will also feel younger and more youthful in general.
As mentioned earlier, the vast majority of testosterone in your body is actually produced while you sleep. Therefore, if you skip breakfast and lunch when you wake up, you allow your body to continue producing testosterone rather than shutting off the process by eating first thing in the morning. In addition to the articles on this website, you can find out a lot more about intermittent fasting and its benefits by going over to our friends at TheMuscleExpert.com where you can read a much more in depth article about the subject.
Dieting Summary
Overall, it is really important that you clean up your diet as much as possible. Sadly as we get older, it becomes increasingly more important that we eat well. Gone are the days where we can get away with eating junk, processed foods, and still keep the fat off while building lean muscle. As mentioned already, it is the bodies natural process with age to decrease its testosterone levels and to store fat. Therefore, we have to work a bit harder and certainly a lot smarter to get the same results as younger men.
Whether you decide to go down the Ketogenic diet route, and cut your carbohydrates out by a large amount; or you decide to continue to eat the healthier forms of carbohydrates but within an intermittent fasting framework, you need to eat clean with either protocol. Eating processed ‘man made’ foods that are high in sugar, chemicals and carcinogens will not get you the results you desire.
So what foods should we try to eat more of? Well, any food that promotes fat loss and testosterone production. Some of the best foods to eat for this purpose are;
Foods For Building Muscle
Chicken
Eggs
Tuna
Salmon
Greek Yogurt
Lean Beef
The foods in the above list all contain a good amount of quality protein which of course is essential for muscle repair and growth.
Greek yogurt contains a type of protein called Casein. This particular type of protein is slow digesting in the body. Therefore, greek yogurt is perfect to eat just before bed as this will keep your body fuel with protein as you sleep. Considering that your body does most of its repairing and maintenance work when you sleep, this is a really great hack that can help you see results faster.
Foods For Increasing Testosterone
Tuna – High in vitamin D and Magnesium
Shellfish – High in Zinc
Oysters – High in Zinc
Brazil Nuts – High in Zinc, Magnesium and most importantly, Selenium (eat 3-4 of these a day before bed and just watch and feel your testosterone levels increase!
Egg Yolks – These are rich in cholesterol, and it is now known that cholesterol is one of the essential building blocks of testosterone. It is also worth noting that cholesterol is not directly responsible for clogging arteries as it was once thought. It is actually a high sugar and carbohydrate diet which causes inflammation in the arteries that causes arterial issues. Therefore, as long as you are ensuring that your blood glucose levels low, then you are perfectly fine to consume a good amount of healthy fats.
The foods in the above list are very good for boosting your testosterone levels. These foods contain a high amount of vitamins and minerals that are vital for testosterone production. Vitamins and minerals such as; Zinc, Magnesium vitamin D and Selenium.
Foods To Avoid/Cut down On
Refined sugar – All the nice things such as cookies, cake, candy, soda etc. Refined sugar is very high on the gluten index and spikes insulin levels very high and very quickly.
Starchy carbohydrates such as rice, pasta, bread, fries etc – The brown versions of the rice, bread and pasta are okay in moderate quantities, but you should also try to avoid the white processed versions. I also like to make sure I am following an intermittent fasting program if I am going to eat wholewheat versions of these foods. Doing this gives the body time to burn off the glucose from the food and to get back burning body fat again.
Alcohol – Alcohol is literally a poison to the body. As your liver tries to process the substance to get it out of your body, the fat burning process is put on hold. Therefore, you very easily gain body fat if you drink regularly. Testosterone production is also impaired and many other health problems can occur through an over consumption of alcohol. I am not saying you have to totally quit drinking, but try to severely reduce the amount you drink and try to keep it to a glass or two one night per week.
Your diet is probably going to be the most important factor when it comes to getting in shape. This goes for everyone, not just guys in their 40s, however as you get older, diet becomes more important than ever!
I recommend you try combining both the ketogenic diet along with intermittent fasting for the best results. However, you can do just one or the other and still achieve your goals. Also try to include plenty of the foods mentioned above in your diet and you will certainly start to feel and see a difference in a relatively short period of time.
Solution 2: Powerful Workout Principles the Torch Fat, Boost Testosterone and Gets Results!
Now that we have looked into some of the main ways in which you can boost your health and fitness results at any point in your life, let’s look at some basic workout principles.
Actively taking part in certain forms of high intensity cardio, and strength training is known to have many benefits such as;
Increased fat burning
Increased muscle mass
Improved bone density and reduced risk of osteoporosis
Increased testosterone
Improved mood
Increased energy
Therefore, it is very important to try to perform some form of resistance/weight training and high intensity cardio on a fairly regular basis for optimal results.
If you are not used to weight training, then take it easy at first. Don’t try to lift as heavy as you can in one go. Yes, lifting heavy will be important at a later stage, but if you go straight into a weights program as heavy as you can right off the bat, then you put yourself at a high risk of injury.
In fact, some studies show that TUT (time under tension during a repetition) can be just as important as intensity (amount of weight lifted during a certain exercise). TUT refers to the idea that if you extend the amount of time that your muscles are working during each repetition of a particular exercise, then you will get better results than the standard method of performing quicker movements.
Using time under tension to increase the effectiveness of your weights/resistance workout is going to be far better for you, especially in the beginning. This means you can go a bit easier on the amount of weight you lift, but still get effective results.
A way of extending the time under tension in each exercise, is to perform something called a negative repetition. This involves lifting the weight in a fairly quick movement using a short burst of energy. You should aim to lift the weight over about 1 second, no more. The next step of a negative repetition is to lower the weight much more slowly but in a controlled manner. Over 10-15 seconds!
This increases the amount of time you are supporting the weight during the exercise and it will certainly get you some very good results if you stick at it.
I have put together a sample weights and cardio routine for you to try below. The weights routine utilizes compound movements that work large muscle groups and therefore burns more calories. Also, the negative repetition method I have just explained is also included in the workout.
For the cardio sample workout I have chosen swimming. This is due to the low impact nature of the exercise which is easier on the joints in your body. Also, swimming works the entire body which burns a large amount of calories per workout. I have also made use of High Intensity Interval Training as a component within the workout as well. This ensures that your body continues to burn calories long after the workout is complete.
Enjoy!
Sample Weights/Resistance Workout
MuscleExpert’s Weight Workout
Sample Cardio Workout
MuscleExpert’s Cardio Workout
Building Muscle After 45 – What’s the Bottom Line?
So there you have it! A rather in depth look into how you can get the most out of your health and fitness program, even after you turn 45!
We have looked at the mindset needed to be successful and the diet and workout regimen required to get the best results. We have even looked at extra activities that you can get involved with which will help you to reduce stress and improve your sleep.
It may be a lot to think about at first, but you can be sure that if you do even just a few of the things I have talked about in this post then you will see and feel dramatic results.
My name is Nicholas Walker and If you wish to check out more articles that I have written related to health and fitness, then you can check out my website at;
Now Moments are the very essence of life and the more you recognize when a Now Moment is happening in your life, the more you will enjoy life and create the Legacy Life you’ve always wanted.
In this this article we’ll talk about Now Moments – what they are and why they matter – and I’ll give you some ideas for how you can enjoy more Now Moments in your everyday life.
[lwptoc]
That Helpful Dad
Editor’s Note: I’m Mike, AKA “That Helpful Dad” and this website is all about providing practical solutions to real life problems. I hope you enjoy today’s wisdom – if you do be sure to visit my home page and sign up for my free weekly emails. You can also follow me on YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest. I’d love to hear from you so drop me a comment and let’s chat.
What is a Now Moment?
A Now Moment is an instant in life when you pause and are consciously aware of what’s happening to you ‘in this moment’.
Ferdinand understood Now Moments!
You can also think of Now Moments as taking time to ‘stop and smell the roses’ or ‘enjoying the journey of life’ or any number of other cliches that help you appreciate the present moment. After all, when we recognize that all we have in life is ‘this moment’ then we can begin to appreciate why it’s so critically important to enjoy the special moments of life while you are living them – because they don’t last forever.
Do Now Moments Only Occur During Special Occasions?
It’s a common misconception to believe that only special occasions and big events are the triggers that create Now Moments. Nothing could be further from the truth!
Sure, special events like going on a Disney Cruise, enjoying an amazing dinner with friends and family, and similar situations can provide us with opportunities for Now Moments but that’s mainly because, when we are experiencing a special occasion, our minds are more attuned to paying attention to the fact that something important IS happening and therefore we are more apt to recognize Now Moments at those times.
HOWEVER, if we only ever look for Now Moments during the special occasions of life, we’ll miss out on 99% of the Now Moments that happen in our life because the fact is that each and every day there are plenty of opportunities to enjoy Now Moments…
…but only IF you actually recognize them, pause, and take the time to savor them.
Examples of Now Moments in Every Day Life
The opportunity to experience a Now Moment is limited only by your ability to recognize them and take the time to enjoy them because Now Moments literally occur countless times every day.
Here are some examples of Now Moments from everyday life that I’ve savored recently – perhaps it will give you some ideas as well…
Jax learning to be a chef
Cooking a langostino pasta dinner with my son Jax;
Enjoying a relaxing glass of wine after dinner on the back patio with my wife Anne;
Finally solving the rubik’s cube with the help of Jackson’s research (and hey it only took me 48 years to do it!). I challenge you to pick one up and try it too…
Talking about our day as a family during our nightly bedtime ritual;
And the list goes on and on.
Does it give you any ideas for some of the Now Moments in YOUR life?
Keeping Track of Now Moments
Although you certainly don’t need to formally keep track of your Now Moments in order to enjoy them, I like doing this. As you may recall, I’m a big believer in Tony Robbin’s wisdom…
“If your life is worth living, it’s worth recording.”
Tony Robbins
As a result, I like to keep track of the Now Moments that occur in my life in my daily journal (BTW I use Google Docs for my journaling now because I can access my journals on any device and record them at any time).
I also like using the free mobile app called Daylio to make notes on my Now Moments. If you’re not familiar with Daylio read my article about it here.
Daylio Mobile Journal
Additionally I like talking about Now Moments with my family and teaching my children how to recognize them so they can better appreciate their lives from an early age.
What about you – how do you keep track of the Now Moments in YOUR life?
Don’t Just Take My Word for It
Far be it from me to expect you to simply listen to my words of advice when I realize you don’t know me that well. Instead let me recommend another wisdom guru to you – surely you’ve heard what the legendary savant Ferris Bueller had to say on this topic right?
Dr. Ferris Beuller, Esq.
Now Moments in YOUR Life
Perhaps reading this little bit of wisdom is one of the Now Moments in your life today – if so that would be awesome and be sure to let me know in the comments below.
I wonder what other Now Moments are waiting for you today?
Are YOU living a Legacy Life? What does it even mean to live a Legacy life? In this article, we’ll talk about the concept of Living a Legacy Life; more importantly I’ll give you tips that can help you identify what you want YOUR legacy to be and ideas for how you can spend more time on actually living your legacy life.
Read the word carefully – the word order is important here
Editor’s Note: If you’re looking for a bit of wisdom for life, perhaps some of the tips on this page can help you. If you find something that’s particularly helpful, be sure to let me know with a comment below or send me an email, and also share the wisdom with a friend so they can benefit as well.
What is a Legacy Life?
Let’s get started by defining what a legacy life is. I would suggest we use the following: “a life that has a positive impact on someone else.”
I added the ‘positive’ wording because I believe most of us would like to have a beneficial impact on others and I’m hoping that’s how you feel too.
Could we peel back the onion on our legacy life definition? Obviously. But rather than get into the weeds, I suggest we just go with that simple definition for our purposes today. Cool?
Do you have to be famous to leave a legacy?
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand that people like Ben Franklin, Leonardo Da Vinci, Isaac Newton,Marie Curie, and countless others of their ilk created a legacy that included FAME and individuals like this will long be remembered for the legacy they created. The world owes them a debt of gratitude for the work they left behind and untold millions of people continue to benefit from their legacies.
But what about Average Joes like you and I? Do we have anything to look forward to from a legacy perspective?
I’d argue that one need not be famous in order to live a life that creates a legacy. Instead I believe we all have the opportunity to live a Legacy Life because every one of us can do something that has a positive impact on someone else.
So ask yourself – what will YOUR legacy be?
Wait, perhaps the better question is…
What do you WANT your legacy to be?
If you already know what you want your legacy to be, then more power to you – you’ve already completed the first steps towards living a legacy life. However if you don’t know what you want your legacy to be it will be very difficult to live a legacy life because you won’t know what actions to choose to do (because they will help you create your legacy) and what actions to avoid doing (because they pull you further away from your goals).
For most of my life I didn’t know what I wanted my legacy to be. As a result, I wasted a lot of time and effort pursuing activities that ultimately had nothing to do with my legacy life goals and therefore left me unfulfilled.
Don’t let that happen to you.
There’s a bit of Confused Joey in all of us, right?
How Did I Figure out my Legacy Life Goals?
It wasn’t until my early 40’s that I finally figured out what I wanted my legacy to be. That’s a shame because I obviously wasted a lot of time I can’t get back. But it can be different for you – with a bit of wisdom and direction, you can find out your own legacy life goals sooner and live your legacy life longer.
How did I finally figure out my legacy life goals? How can YOU?
I followed the advice and example of mentors like Tim Ferriss, Tony Robbins, and yes even Leonardo Da Vinci – I spent time journaling, free writing, meditating, and thinking about what I wanted out of life and how I wanted to be remembered when I was gone.
The more time I invested in these activities, the more clear my vision of my ideal legacy life became.
I suggest you do the same. Consider doing any of the following activities (or better yet ALL of them)…
Pick a book from Tony Robbins and actually DO the ‘life design’ exercises (my favorite is still Awaken the Giant Within).
Start a journal (I actually use Google Docs to journal online so it’s available on all my devices whenever I think of an idea or want to write no matter where I may be). One of the best ways to discover your hidden legacy life goals is to engage in free writing.
What is free writing? Basically you just start writing and don’t stop until you run out of ideas. You don’t worry about punctuation, you don’t worry about format, you don’t worry about spelling, you just write.
You’ll be amazed at the ideas that emerge from deep within you when you just allow yourself to relax and write and see what comes out.
I wonder – what ideas are hidden inside YOU? Don’t you want to find out? Your legacy life goals are there, waiting for you to discover.
Read the book How to Think Like Leonardo Da Vinci (it may sound corny but it’s actually really productive AND fun). Who knows maybe there’s an artist inside you yet?
Meditate – it doesn’t have to be hardcore “OM” meditation like a Buddhist monk (although that’s cool too); it can just be you spending time alone, focusing on your breath for a few minutes, and allowing your mind to relax. I’ve found that once we disengage our minds from the everyday bustle of life, there’s a lot of great ideas floating below the surface consciousness that start to emerge – many of these ideas are likely related to your legacy life. Meditation helps to unlock them.
Keep this bit of wisdom always in view from the Gospel of John: “Do not work for food that spoils but for food that endures to eternal life.” (John 6:27) Think about how you spend your time. Are you wasting your time/life on that which is fleeting? Or are you planting seeds that will produce fruit that lasts beyond just your life? Creating food that endures is the key to achieving your legacy life goals.
What’s the bottom line on how to discover your legacy life goals?
Find out what activities work to help you discover your legacy life goals and keep doing them so that you can gain a clear vision of what you want your legacy to be.
What are the benefits of KNOWING your Legacy Life Goals?
When you become more aware of what you want my legacy to be, you will feel more empowered about life in general. Why? Because when you know your legacy goals, you’ll enjoy a significant benefit related to how you spend your time…
You will know that IF you make conscious decisions every day to DO the activities that are related to your legacy, THEN you will be actively LIVING your legacy life.
That’s an awesome feeling.
It’s a FULFILLING feeling.
And perhaps just as importantly, because you’ll have this clear-eyed view (@JalenSmith) of your desired legacy, you will also be able to make conscious decisions each day on what actions to avoid. For example…
various time-suck activities;
pursuing seemingly easy but ultimately unfulfilling goals;
If certain daily activities are not related to your legacy goals then you should try to avoid doing them as much as possible.
What are my Legacy Life Goals?
Because I always try to be honest and transparent with you on this blog, I will share my legacy life goals with you. Although they may not mean much to you, perhaps they will give you some ideas that you can use in shaping your own legacy goals.
Michael’s Legacy Life Goals are…
1-Family Goals: each day I strive to be an awesome husband & father – that means spending time with my family and being actively involved in their lives every day. Here are a few examples…
Ideally I try to have a specific action item for each person every day. For example taking a walk with my wife, reading a book with my 5 year old, drawing with my 10 year old, and getting kisses from my little yorkie Bella. It doesn’t have to be complicated because all these little things add up to a lot over time.
I also try to consciously savor the “Now” moments of every day life by taking a mental snapshot of the moment while I am living it and encouraging my loved ones to recognize the moment as well. This helps to create a string of lasting memories for all of us that build a mutual legacy.
Alec has the right idea…
Finally, my family goals also include helping each member of my family identify and develop a plan to reach their own legacy life goals. I’m trying to position myself as a ‘foundation of resources’ that family can build upon to pursue their own legacy (whatever that may mean for them).
2-Body-Mind-Spirit Goals: every day I strive for continuous self-improvement in the three areas of Body, Mind, and Spirit as I endlessly pursue the noble but unattainable vision of becoming a Body-Mind Master. This includes individual goals related to fitness, meditation, spirituality, and overall continuous self-improvement. I won’t bore you with specifics here because I’m sure you already have your own goals related to these categories, but I would point out that this is a THREE-Prong approach: building up your body and mind is great, but don’t forget to develop your spiritual relationship too.
Spending time each day ACTIVELY trying to grow closer to God can have profound positive effects on all the other areas of your life too. Try it. You’ll like it 🙂
3-Novel Writing: I enjoy writing books. So far I’ve written a handful of them and while none have made it onto any best-seller lists, I still enjoy pursuing the craft of writing because I feel that God has blessed me with a treasure trove of creative story ideas and a passion for exploring them. And so I write.
Ideally I write every day. It may not be a lot – in fact it usually isn’t — but at least it keeps me in touch with my stories.
I write for my own self-happiness and also in an effort to emotionally touch others (thus the legacy impact).
To be completely honest with you, had I known my legacy life goals sooner in life, I wouldn’t have been in such a rush to leave home and instead would have pursued a career in writing from college. But the past is the past and can’t be changed. I’m grateful that I know my path now and still have plenty of time (hopefully) to pursue it.
If you are a writer (or want to be), perhaps the best tip I can give you is one I heard from Tim Ferriss who said “my quota is to write two crappy pages per day. I keep it really low so I’m not so intimidated that I never get started.”
Why does this wisdom work? Because the concept of 2 crappy pages of writing per day is achievable and realistic for anyone and when you consistently do it each day over time you end up with a lot of content. Most of it may indeed be crap, but there’s also a lot of gold in there that you would never have written if you weren’t consistent.
Here’s a few of my books…
Fantasy Novelette
Lessons about Minecraft & Life
Fictional Trilogy about The Book of Revelation
Life Lessons from our Yorkie Sassy
Book I of a new fantasy series
It’s interesting to note that, although I’ve been dabbling with writing for most of my life, I never actually finished any books until I discovered my legacy life goals.
In other words, although many of these stories have been with me for years, until I gained that clear-eyed vision of my goals and actually made the conscious decision to work on them I didn’t accomplish anything. I was living the age old cliche “a goal without a plan is just a dream.”
After learning how to live my legacy life, I’ve jump-started my writing career — all of these books were written AFTER I turned 40.
4. Self-Actualization Goals: I can’t remember when I first heard about Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (probably about 30 years ago) but this wisdom immediately stuck for me and I buy-in to the concept. If you’re not familiar with Maslow’s work, here’s a helpful graphic…
For me personally, anything above the Love/Belonging step relates to living a legacy live, but as relates to the Self-Actualization step specifically, I have certain activities that provide me with a sense of fulfillment.
My self-actualization legacy goals are related to pursuing the crafts of cooking, photography, and music/piano.
But how are these related to my legacy?
Because each of these activities can be shared with others – particularly friends and family and my hope is that by spending time with my loved ones doing these activities, we’ll be creating more of those precious Now Moments and building a stronger mutual legacy together.
I don’t get a chance to work on these every day or even every week, but when I do, my day is undoubtedly brighter.
What types of Self-Actualization activities are fulfilling to YOU? Is there a way you can spend more time doing them? If so, how much more fulfilling would your life be?
5 – Sharing Wisdom with Others (like YOU): Part of what I want my legacy to be is to be known as a person who shares meaningful advice, helpful tips, and life-changing wisdom with others.
That sounds like a tall task, but hey, why not shoot for the stars, right?
My goal is to share wisdom with others that’s helped me in the hopes that it will help you too.
Often I share life lessons and certain wisdom that I wished I’d known earlier in life because I know it would have made a difference for me – wisdom that, once you know it, can make a difference for you too.
My blog ThatHelpfulDad.com, YouTube Channel, books, and other online and real-life activities are often related to this goal and each day I am consciously on the look out to share helpful wisdom with people I run in to (because you never know if the seeds you plan can change someone’s life for the better).
But enough about me. Hopefully this part was helpful to give you some ideas.
Let’s talk more about YOU…
Further Resources to Discover your Legacy Life
Living a legacy life is not complicated. If you simply try to enjoy more of your life as you are living it — consciously focus on the NOW Moments that occur in your life and happily sharing you time/attention/essence with the ones you love. Spend time DOING your legacy life goals and you’ll find more fulfillment in life.
Here are some additional articles from myself and others about living a legacy life:
Today’s lesson is about King Solomon’s Money Management Tips — in this article we’ll explore some of the wise ruler’s thoughts on wealth, including the importance of financial education and having a plan for managing your hard earned money.
Life Lesson #22: Don’t be a fool with your hard-earned money
Look familiar?
Editor’s Note: This is Part 1 of our mini series on Solomon’s Money’s Management Tips and a larger series of articles on using The Wisdom of Solomon to change your life.
An Ounce of Wisdom…
Before we get started, let me give you an important tip – this page is filled with numerous quotes from King Solomon and since he’s widely regarded as the wisest man who ever lived, it’s probably a good idea for all of us to pay attention to what Solomon is saying.
Sounds interesting…
Quick tip: make note of the references to Solomon’s quotes, then do yourself a favor and go back and read them – again and again and again – because the more you make his wisdom a part of your life, the more you can call upon it when you need it most. Make sense?
It Starts with Caution…
There’s no point in discussing how to acquire wealth, without first talking about something even more important than making money — having the wisdom to know what to do with it once you get it.
As Solomon said…
“What good is money in the hands of a fool since he has no desire to get wisdom?” (Prov 17:16).
So what happens if you get some money but you don’t have any wisdom?
Solomon has answered that for us. Consider the following warnings:
Prov 21:20 “In the house of the wise are stores of [wealth], but a fool devours all he has.”
Prov 14:1 “The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish one tears her’s down with her own hands.”
Prov 23:19-21 “Be wise and keep your heart on the right path. Don’t make friends with gluttons, they’ll make you poor.”
As you can see, all three of these are pretty much saying the same thing – if you get money, don’t be a fool and squander it.
Apparently that lesson was so important to Solomon that he felt the need to repeat himself multiple times to make sure we pay attention to it!
Be sure to keep those few words of caution in mind as you continue through these lessons, otherwise you may find yourself lamenting this little tidbit from the king as well…
“Cast but a glance at riches and they are gone, for they will surely sprout wings and fly away [on the fool]” (Prov 23:5).
This is fun!
Now lest you think I am just here to preach to you, please understand that is not the case. I’ll be the first to admit that I made all 3 of these mistakes in the past because I foolishly believed I could figure out everything on my own and didn’t need to listen to the advice of others. That wasn’t smart and the consequence of that foolishness is that I lost a LOT of money I shouldn’t have.
The good news for me is that I learned some valuable lessons in the process, but the even better news for YOU is that you can learn these lessons without having to lose money. It’s your choice…
Do you want to learn the easy way (by listening to this wisdom and applying it to grow and protect your money) or do you want to learn the hard way (by having to pay money to learn as you go)?
Solomon Says “Have a Plan”
In Part 1 of this series on King Solomon’s Money Management, we’ll talk about the importance of having a plan when it comes to managing your money.
If you’ve learned anything about me yet from reading my other lessons, you should know by now how much I value a good plan. As we’ve talked about in the lesson called The Power of Planning, it’s important to understand that…
“A goal without a plan is just a dream.”
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
What that means to YOU in the context of this lesson is pretty simple…
You may have a goal in life to build wealth, and it’s great to have a goal, but remember, if you don’t actually have a plan for exactly HOW you’re going to get all that money, then it’s unlikely you’ll get all the money you desire, and worse yet, you may end up in the poor house instead.
Don’t just take it from me, let’s see what King Solomon had to say about this too. Did you know that Solomon was big on having a plan regarding money, both when it comes to acquiring it, as well as managing it?
(Prov 16:16) “It is better to choose wisdom than gold, to choose understanding before silver.”
As we talked about above, money without wisdom isn’t going to last long in the hands of a fool.
Don’t be that fool.
2-Build wealth over time
(Prov 24:3-4) “By wisdom a house is built and through understanding it it established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.”
Remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day. You need time to build wealth – and you need wisdom, understanding, and knowledge to make it grow.
3-Plan your purchases
(Prov 24:27) “Finish your outdoor work and get your fields ready, after that build your house.”
In other words don’t go making major purchases on a car or house until you’ve built up some savings and made a plan for how you’re going to pay for everything.
4-Manage your money carefully
(Prov 27:23-27) “Be sure you know the condition of your flocks, give careful attention to your herds; for riches do not endure forever, and a crown is not secure for all generations. When hay is removed and new growth appears and the grass from the hills is gathered in, the lambs will provide you with clothing, and the goats with the price of a field. You will have plenty of goats’ milk to feed you and our family.”
Be prudent with your money. Use a budget to keep track of your income and expenses. Know how to make your money work for you.
Know the risks associated with money and understand that it’s much easier to lose money than it is to make it, BUT if you manage it well, then it can make your family’s life easier.
5-Live beneath your means
(Prov 13:7) “One man pretends to be rich yet has nothing, another pretends to be poor yet has great wealth.”
You know the cliche about ‘trying to keep up on the Joneses” – don’t be foolish and try to show off for your neighbors by flaunting your wealth or always thinking you need to have the latest and greatest toy – that’s a sure path to the poor house.
Have the wisdom to show restraint on what you buy.
Use your money for what you need, not just all the things you THINK you want because if you allow yourself to become a habitual spender you’ll never be satisfied.
Pray that God will give you the wisdom to cherish what you already have and not be so focused on what you don’t have (and probably don’t need anyway) – that will save you a lot of money).
Don’t Wait, Use This Wisdom Today
Your ToDo for Today…
Look at the 5 tips from Solomon’s Money Management Planning Section above and pick just 1 item that you can TAKE ACTION on right now.
For example…
Is there something you want to buy?
If so, make a plan for how you’re going to pay for that purchase.
Perhaps you’ve realized that it’s time to increase your financial education?
In the non-stop quest to ever improve productivity and make the most of the precious time we have in this world, I submit to you to the concept of “Three to Thrive” – an amazing tool that was developed by Tim Ferriss and Tony Robbins.
Use this simple tool and watch your productivity increase by 300% or more.
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Three to Thrive – Origins
I first heard of the Three to Thrive concept when I read Tim Ferriss’ Tools of Titans book – he was talking with Tony Robbins about Morning Routines and during the discussion Tony talked about something called ‘Three to Thrive – a technique he uses to improve his focus on what’s important each day. Tony’s Three to Thrive list is comprised of the “three things that he’s going to make happen each day.”
As Tony explained to Tim…
“It’s important to visualize the list to and see it as though it’s already been done.”
Tim Ferriss further expanded what makes the Three to Thrive concept so powerful…
“If you win the morning, you win the day.”
How to Create YOUR Three to Thrive List
Let’s not over-complicate things here. If you want to use the Three to Thrive technique is very simple — look at your To-Do List, identify 3 items that have a high ROI, and focus on completing these 3 tasks TODAY. Do this each day and watch your productivity (and results!) skyrocket.
Tips about Three to Thrive:
What’s a “High ROI” item? There are a number of ways to answer this question.
I like to ask myself, “if I invest the time to do this task, will it give me a good return for the time I spent on it?”
Alternatively the famous time management book “The Time Trap” recommends you consider the relative Importance and Urgency of a Task to determine it’s priority.
Tim Ferriss takes this a step further and recommends you ask yourself the question, “If I do this task, will it make other tasks on my to-do list unimportant or no longer necessary?”
Do your Three to Thrive tasks as soon as you can during the day.
This isn’t rocket science – similar to the concept of “Eat That Frog” if you can focus on getting your Three to Thrive tasks done as early in the day as possible, you’ll increase your odds of winning the day.
Handy To Do List Cheat Sheet.
If you want to see the time management cheat sheet I use to prioritize my tasks, head over to my home page and collect the cheat sheet as one of the cool freebies I give away to all my readers. Click my pic below…
More about Tony Robbin’s Morning Routine
If you like the Three to Thrive concept and want to expand it further, check out more about Tony Robbin’s Morning Routine.
Tony’s AM Ritual includes 3 parts – and the Three to Thrive concept is one of those parts.
His full routine includes a focus on Gratefulness, God, and Three to Thrive list. Basically he spends about three minutes meditating on each of these bucket items.
You can also listen to Tim’s podcast episode #253 where he talks about his morning routine and others from his friends (including Jocko Wilcox, Jaime Foxx, Seth Godin, and others).
My S-M-A-R-T Morning Routine
I created a Morning Routine based on the concepts of Tony Robbins and Tim Ferriss that not only incorporates the Three to Thrive tip, but also is focused specifically on helping ‘worker bee’ type people like me be able to incorporate an AM Ritual into our daily activities but do so in as little as 30 minutes. Read about it here:
If you are looking for a simple tool that is easy to apply to your daily life AND that will give you measurable improvements in your productivity, then start incorporating Three to Thrive into your daily routine.
Give it a try and let me know if it helps you.
If you have other ideas, please share them with us so we can all learn together.
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