Throughout my life I’ve spent a lot of time staring at closed doors. I’m talking about those heavy, industrial-grade doors we bolt shut ourselves because we’re convinced we aren’t “talented enough,” “qualified enough,” or we think because we messed up once and decided we don’t deserve another shot at the title.
Looking back at my journals from the last decade, I’ve noticed see a pattern. In 2017, I was wrestling with the “unknowns” related to changing companies, feeling like I was stuck on a sinking ship. In 2021, I was beating myself up over a home remodel idea that never seemed to get off the ground. Last year it was anxiety about not progressing at my workout goals and feeling like it was all pointless. And the list goes on…
We are our own toughest landlords, aren’t we? We lock the doors to our potential and then complain that the room is too small.
But here is the hard-won wisdom I’ve gathered from years of course corrections: That door you think is dead-bolted? It’s actually just waiting for a change in perspective.
The Myth of the “Permanent Mistake”
We often think that if we fail at something—a business venture, a fitness goal, or even a parenting moment—that door is locked forever. I remember a day in 2023 when I chose not to eat with my boys at McDonald’s because I was so focused on “clean eating goals.” Later that night I felt like I’d robbed us of a “Now Moment.”
I could have locked the door right there and labeled myself a “rigid dad.” But the truth is that a legacy life isn’t built on a single perfect day. It’s built on the boldness to open the door again the next morning, and the one after that, and so on.
In the long run, your mistakes aren’t walls; they are the very things that qualify you to lead.
You can’t teach a son how to handle a loss if you’ve never struck out yourself. You can’t show a friend how to find “mental peace” if you haven’t navigated the storms of anxiety or frustration in your own life.
Why the God (and Life) Often Knocks Twice
I believe there is a Momentum in the Universe that wants us to grow – you may choose to call it Divine Providence, the Tao, or just the relentless “Force of Life,” – I’ll stick with “GOD.”
I’ve witnessed God act in my own life. I spent years worrying about if my career was a “fulfilling way” to provide for my family and still build a legacy. Although I did well in my role I never seemed to be able to progress forward. I pondered the question of changing jobs more times than I can count. But I was afraid of the unknown.
But then, I stopped worrying about work and started focusing more on what I could control – especially the activities that make up my “Legacy Life”—my writing, my coaching, my role as a father and husband who is the “rock my family soars from,” my mind and body goals, and more. That’s when the doors of LIFE started to open up – not because I suddenly became a genius and made major changes, but because I stopped leaning my whole body weight against the locked doors of my mind.
Over time, with family life better than ever, my career also blossomed, opening up new opportunities that gave me a chance to make an exponentially greater impact on others that led to more fulfillment for me. It became the best of both worlds and I’m so grateful for God’s MANY blessings.
When an opportunity presents itself that seems “overwhelming,” perhaps it’s not a mistake. Perhaps it’s an invitation. If you feel a new confidence or a sudden spark of boldness, don’t over-analyze it. Perhaps that’s God breathing in your direction, telling you that your past failures have actually been a specialized training program for your future.
The Practical Integration: How to “Unlock” Today
Wisdom without action is just a nice sentiment, and That Helpful Dad doesn’t do “just nice.” We need a plan. If we want to open those doors, we have to prepare the room.
1. Audit Your “Locked Rooms”
Take ten minutes tonight. What is the one thing you’ve told yourself you “can’t” do because of a past hurt or a perceived lack of talent? Is it writing that book? Getting heart healthy? Improving your relationship with your spouse? Write it down. Acknowledging the door is the first step to unlocking it.
2. The “10-Minute Rule”
In my 2022 goals, I wrote: “The key to all this is not only scheduling a goal but also DOING it… try to just 10 mins a day and see what happens.” If the door feels too heavy to swing open, just crack it. Do 10 minutes of that “tough” thing and do it early in your day. You’ll find that God often meets you in the effort, not the contemplation.
3. Upgrade Your “Legacy Tools”
Sometimes we keep doors locked because we feel unorganized or overwhelmed. If your “door” is mental health, stop over-complicating it. In 2024, I focused on “Now Moments” and simple “Family Dinners” an that focused led so many wonderful memories I was able to enjoy because I was ‘present’ with those I cared about most.
- The Practical Hack: Grab a high-quality physical journal or journal app (like Daylio) and starting tracking your day. When you document your “wins”—even the tiny ones—you build the “Legacy Evidence” you need to prove to your fear that you are capable.
The Legacy CTA
Here’s your homework, and I’m saying this with all the “Dad energy” I can muster: Stop disqualifying yourself!
That mistake you made five years ago? It’s over. That talent you think you lack? You’ll develop it on the job. Today, I want you to re-open one door. Send the email. Make the call. Forgive yourself for the “McDonald’s moment” of your past and step into what my youngest son calls the “Cravaganza” of your future.
God knows what’s in you. It’s time you believed it, too.
What is the one “locked door” you’re going to put your hand on today? Sometimes just saying it out loud is the key turning in the lock.
That Helpful Dad 