Tag Archives: solomon

Impatience Destroys Goal Achievement – How to Deal with Impatience

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Impatience, Anxiety, Fear, and other negative emotions are powerful levers that often drive us to “push for closure” on a problem before a viable solution is realistic — this forcing of the issue then typically results in a whole host of negative consequences…

  1. We fall short of our goals.
  2. We often make the problem worse than what it already was.
  3. And sadly we rob ourselves of a chance to live the best life possible.

But it doesn’t have to be that way for you. In this article, we’ll talk about some strategies you can use to overcome your impatience and achieve your goals.


Impatience Destroys Goal Achievement – Examples

Let’s consider some examples about this problem.

  1. You want to get rich but instead of seeking the advice of trusted counselors and investing your money wisely, you decide to speculate on some ‘hot stocks’ a buddy told you about, dumping more than 50% of your savings into the play — only to see the stock flame out and take your nest egg with it. (Easy come, easy go).
  2. You want to get married and have kids, but rather than take the time to get to know yourself first, or date a variety of people to learn what you like/don’t like, you rush into a relationship with someone you met online (“because he’s just so dreamy”), get married in a few months, and get pregnant shortly thereafter — only to learn that you’re actually not that compatible, you fight all the time, and you can’t wait to file for divorce. (At least there’s other fish in the sea).
  3. A bunch of your friends at work invite you to join them for a mud race next month – you’re not in shape now but since one of your goals is to take better care of yourself, you agree to join them – only you don’t take the time to do train for the event and instead just decide to wing it (“after all, how hard can it be?”). You end up tearing your ACL while jumping down from one of the high walls and get laid up for 6 months, during which you balloon into a fat blob which spirals you further into depression. (Ouch!)

What can we learn from these examples?

Impatience isn’t our friend. It’s time we came up with a plan for dealing with it so let’s do just that.


How to Deal with Impatience

action steps

When you have a plan for dealing with impatience, you realize that you can overcome your ‘patience’ problem and still achieve your goals.

The first step is to take the time to understand your goals in life. The second is to build solid plans for achieving them. After that it’s really just a matter of executing on those plans and letting life unfold in due course. Major goals are not achieved overnight. But they ARE achievable. The formula is simple…

Consistent Action + Time = Results.

When you know your goals, have our plan, and are actively working your plan, then you just need trust in the process, be patient, and know with confidence that things WILL go your way when the seeds you planted are ripe for harvesting. This is key wisdom so humor me as I try to drive it home with you…

Just like with any seeds, you can’t expect to them to grow without a little TLC from you… and time.


Overcoming Impatience – Examples Revisited

Let’s turn back to our examples and come up with some better strategies…

  1. If you want to build your wealth, educate yourself on the topic, seek advice from trusted advisors, and invest your money in things YOU actually use.
    • After years of trying to do things by myself, and following hot tips (which never worked!), I changed my approach and began investing in things I actually used — that’s what led me to invest in Google at $85/share, Amazon at $300ish, and Facebook under $30. Don’t get me wrong, I still make mistakes, but a lot less often. I also work with advisors to guide me now too. The result: I’m on the path to financial freedom.
  2. If you want to get married and have kids, take your time getting to know your potential spouse first. What’s the big rush? Date for a few years and really make sure. Get to know each other at every level — you’ll be glad you did. As for the kids, enjoy married life for awhile, build up your finances, get your foundation in place, and then have the kids.
    • The result: you’ll all be better off for having waited, because you’ll have had your ‘go-out’ fun, you’ll be wiser, you’ll be in a better position financially to provide for them, and you’ll have built up a great bank of wisdom that you can share with your kids (setting them up for success in life too!).
  3. So you’re gonna run that mud race? Please do a bit of research first. You might want to check out my YouTube Tough Mudder library (you’ll find 50+ vids on the topic with tips on clothes, shoes, obstacles, and more). I can’t promise you wan’t get hurt, but at least you’ll know what you’re getting in to! Here’s a pic of me in action for your amusement…

Tough Mudder Helpful Dad


Achieving Your Goals – With Action… and Tony Robbins

Success guru Tony Robbins talks about the importance of taking action as the primary way to achieve one’s goals. Here is one of his many videos on the topic:

In addition, Tony has also developed what he calls the “Massive Action Plan” – you can read more about it on his website here: https://www.tonyrobbins.com/career-business/how-to-make-a-massive-action-plan-map/


Dealing with Impatience – The Wisdom Way

I always love it when the wisdom of great teachers matches up – such is the case here. You’ve seen the opening quote from Lao Tzu, you’ve witnessed what Tony Robbins had to say, you know the famous line from Ben Franklin (“Haste Makes Waste“), but let’s take a look at a few other tidbits of wisdom on this topic.

John Wooden on Impatience…John Wooden Haste

And lest we think impatience is just a modern-day problem, think again. Consider what King Solomon had to say on this topic…

It is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty and miss the way. (Prov 19:2)

The plans of the diligent lead to profit, as surely as haste leads to poverty. (Prov 21:5)

Sage advice – if we take it to heart.


Overcoming Impatience – What’s the Bottom Line?

Prepare yourself for success.

Take action.

Reach your goals.

Rinse and repeat again and again.

Before you know it you’ll be living your best life right now.


What to Read Next?

For more on the subject of planning and goal achievement read the following…

https://thathelpfuldad.com/5-power-ful-tools-overcome-lifes-challenges/

https://thathelpfuldad.com/use-your-time-wisely/

https://thathelpfuldad.com/slow-and-steady-wins-the-race/


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12 Proverbs That Will Make Your Life Better – The Wisdom of Solomon

Proverbs – The Wisdom of Solomon

Proverbs is one of my favorite books in The Bible – it’s filled with the Wisdom of Solomon and I’ve written numerous articles about all the great wisdom tidbits from this book that you can use to live a Legacy Life.

Today I thought we’d try something new – A Picture Essay that shares The Wisdom of Solomon and Proverbs. For each picture, I’ll provide one quote from Proverbs and where applicable a link for further reading on the topic.

Editor’s Note: This article will expand over time as I add more pictures to the essay so be sure to bookmark this page and check back often.


Proverbs 16:3

Proverbs 16:3 “Commit to the Lord whatever you do and your plans will succeed.”

Proverbs 15:32

Proverbs 15:32 “He who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever heeds correction gains understanding.”

Read more: https://thathelpfuldad.com/being-disciplined-now-can-lead-to-good-things-later-if-you-learn-from-it/

Proverbs 15:22

Proverbs 15:22 “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisors they succeed.”

Read more: https://thathelpfuldad.com/the-value-of-advice/

Proverbs 16:9

Proverbs 16:9 “In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.”

zeal without knowledge

Proverbs 19:2 “It is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty and miss the way.”

Read more: https://thathelpfuldad.com/you-cant-rush-greatness/


Do you Enjoy the Wisdom of Solomon?

Click this pic to see all my feature articles based on the wisdom of Solomon…

Solomon's Wisdom


Proverbs 12:11

Proverbs 12:11 “He who works his land will have abundant food, but he who chases fantasies lack judgement.”

Better to be a nobody with a servant

Proverbs 12:9 “Better to be a nobody with a servant than pretend to be somebody and have nothing.”

Read more: https://thathelpfuldad.com/king-solomons-tips-on-money-management-part-1/

pride goes before a fall

Proverbs 16:18 “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.”

Proverbs 9:9

Proverbs 9:9 “Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still.”

Read more: https://thathelpfuldad.com/where-do-you-find-wisdom/

Proverbs 17:17

Proverbs 17:17 “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”

Read more: https://thathelpfuldad.com/how-to-make-more-friends/

Proverbs 16:16

Proverbs 16:16 “How much better it is to choose wisdom than gold, to choose understanding than silver.”

Read More: https://thathelpfuldad.com/get-wisdom-get-wealth-the-solomon-series/

Proverbs 18:2

Proverbs 18:2 “A fool finds no pleasure in understanding, but delights in airing his own opinion.”


More about Proverbs and the Wisdom of Solomon

https://thathelpfuldad.com/the-purpose-of-proverbs-to-help-you-make-the-world-a-better-place/

Enjoy This Wisdom?

Advice: How to Accept and Give Good Advice

The first step towards gaining wisdom is to recognize the value of advice.

Our life lesson today comes to us from King Solomon who said “Listen to advice and accept instruction and in the end you will be wise” (Proverbs 19:20).


What This Means to YOU…

If you’re like me, you have people trying to give you advice every day.

Unfortunately, if you’re like me, that means you probably also find it difficult to listen to that advice!

If that’s true, it could mean you’re letting a great deal of knowledge just slip through your fingers and that’s a problem because it means you’re making your life harder than it needs to be.

Don’t let that happen to you – learn to accept advice and allow this wisdom to improve your life.

3 Ways to Use This Wisdom Today

  1. Recognize what could be stopping from you accepting advice.
  2. Understand how to recognize good advice from bad.
  3. Use this wisdom to help others.

I-Overcome Your Pride
Perhaps the biggest obstacle that keeps us from accepting advice is our own pride. There are many reasons for this — it could be that we feel like we should be able to figure things out for ourselves, or we foolishly believe our ideas are always better than anyone else’s, or we are embarrassed to ask for help because we don’t want to appear stupid, etc.

Regardless of the reason, the important thing to understand is that when you allow pride to stop you from listening to advice, you end up making your life more difficult than it needs to be because you limit yourself to only one solution source — you! The fact is that nobody knows everything and the sooner you and I realize that, the sooner we’ll know it’s foolish to let our pride stand in the way of gaining knowledge from others.

I know it’s hard, but the next time you find yourself in a situation that you know you could use help with, do yourself a favor, swallow your pride, and be open to letting someone help you.  You’ll be glad you did.

II-Recognize Good Advice
Now that I have you at least willing to listen to advice, let me throw you a curveball – not all advice is good advice and it’s important to have some guidelines for sifting out the good from the bad.

Perhaps the most important thing for you to do is to recognize the SOURCE of the advice – is the advice coming from someone who truly cares about you? If so, then it’s worth your while to at least listen. If not, move on. However, even if the advice is coming from a person you trust, that still doesn’t mean it’s going to help you.  You can recognize good advice by asking yourself a few questions.

Here are some examples…

  1. Is the person giving you advice qualified to provide it based on their own life experiences?
  2. Did the person listen to you and attempt to understand your situation before giving you advice?
  3. Does the advice give you realistic options that you feel motivated to pursue?
  4. Are you certain the person giving the advice is not just trying to take advantage of you?
  5. Does the advice still leave the final decision in your hands?
  6. Does the advice make sense and do you feel good about it in your gut?

These questions are just examples; I encourage you to develop ones that make sense to you — come up with a list of simple and easy to remember questions that you can ask yourself when you are presented with advice. If the advice provided overcomes these Challenge Questions then it’s probably worth listening to.

Remember this — just because you listen to someone’s advice doesn’t mean you necessarily have to follow it — the final decision on what to do remains with you.

One bonus of seeking that advice is that you’ll have more confidence when you do take action to tackle your problem because you’ll know you invested extra time to seek wisdom and that extra confidence could be the final key you need to overcome your obstacle.

III-Provide Good Advice to Others
Let’s face it, the world needs more people who are willing to help others. I encourage you to be one of them.

If you find yourself in a situation where you have the opportunity to give advice to someone else and you have the knowledge you believe could help them, then why not do it? You never know when your words could change or even save somebody’s life so don’t ignore helping someone if you can. That being said, it’s important that you give good advice not just any advice. But how?

For starters, you can apply the Challenge Questions from #2 above to yourself. In addition, you can use this simple formula: Listen First, Advise Second. After all, how can you give advice to someone if you don’t listen and understand their situation? Once you do that you’ll be in a position to know if you can truly help them. If you can, then give them your advice, but be sure to respect their right to accept it or not – understand your job is only to share wisdom, the final decision rests with them.

But what if you listen and realize that you can’t give them any helpful advice? That’s ok. You can still encourage them, pray with them, and perhaps point them towards someone else who can help them. It would be better to do this than to give them questionable advice because you are too proud or scared to admit you don’t know the answers either. Part of giving good advice is knowing your own limitations – recognize that and you’ll come full circle in understanding this lesson.

Don’t Wait, Use This Wisdom TODAY…

Pick a problem, any problem, then challenge yourself to ask someone you trust for advice.


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Get Wisdom! Get Wealth! (The Solomon Series)

Solomon’s 10th Commandment
Thou shalt use thy wisdom to acquire thy wealth, and thy wealth to acquire more wisdom.


(Editor’s note: This article is part of a series of life lessons that feature the wisdom of King Solomonvisit this page to see more)


The King is back and today’s lesson is one of the key pillars of his entire philosophy. I’d venture to say this little nugget was a big part of how Solomon became one of the richest men of his day and one of the wisest of all time.

Learn this wisdom yourself, apply it to your life, and you’ll surely put yourself on the path to living your best life now.

Wealth Comes from Wisdom

“By wisdom, a house is built, through understanding it is established, and through knowledge, its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.” (Proverbs 24: 3-4)

Take a moment to let that sink in. I’ve read this quote from Solomon more times than I can count. It’s one of my all-time favorite proverbs and I actively try to live this principle as part of my daily routine. I’m hopeful that by sharing it with you today, you can make it a part of your life and soar to new heights.

Let’s dig deeper into this wisdom to unlock its mysteries. There’s a lot more than meets the eye with this quote. Consider the following…

Wisdom: The foundation

Without sufficient wisdom, everything you are building will be naught but a house of cards, doomed to fall when the storms of life inevitably come.

Build upon a solid foundation and you’ll increase your odds of success. Build on the shifting sands, or worse yet skip the foundation building stage, and your house will surely fall. This concept was so important that Jesus also warned us about the importance of building a solid foundation his parable about The Wise and Foolish Builders.

No matter what you’re building make wisdom your foundation. With wisdom in place, your house/financial portfolio/career/life will have its capstone in place from which you can confidently move forward. Without that basic foundation, you’ll flail around and eventually fold.

Understanding: The walls and roof.

Laying down a solid foundation is great, but it takes more than that alone to build a house. We need to erect the walls and a roof too. As you continue forwards, it’s important to keep learning, by doing so you’ll gain a new understanding that you can use to not just survive but thrive.

The result: you’ll firmly establish yourself, even as others fall by the wayside.

Why do so many people have so little savings? Why do most businesses fail? Why do so many give up on their dreams? Because most of us don’t take the time to establish a foundation based on wisdom, nor do we continue to invest in our understanding to advance our skill stack.

With a weak foundation and lack of advanced understanding, we become also-rans in the never-ending rat race of mediocrity. Our money sprouts wings and flies away. Our business loses out to competition. Our dreams fade.

But it doesn’t have to be this way — Solomon knew about these dangers and implored his readers to do something about it.

“Get Wisdom! Get Understanding!”

He wrote in Proverbs 4:5, for the wise king knew that these were the building blocks of long-term success, the keys to creating a lasting legacy.

Knowledge: The Treasure inside

Build with wisdom. Advance with Understanding. Continue to invest in yourself and eventually you’ll reach a stage of mastery where you’ll acquire special knowledge that will reward you with true prosperity. You’ll enjoy those rare and beautiful treasures that King Solomon was speaking about.

Does it take effort to acquire such knowledge? Certainly. But that’s the price that must be paid if you want to build a lasting legacy – one based on the time-tested pillars of Wisdom, Understanding, and Knowledge.

You can’t build a house like this overnight, but if you put to use these tools and have the patience to allow them time to work their magic in your life, you will be handsomely rewarded. You portfolio with become recession-proof, your career will prosper, your businesses will soar.

From Wisdom: Wealth

From a strictly financial point of view, we can use this wisdom to build wealth. For most of us, it takes time to build our family’s wealth. Relying on winning the lottery or get rich quick schemes is a recipe that will lead to poverty for most people because even if they work, any money you make will soon be gone. Solomon warned us about this too…

“Of what use is money in the hands of a fool since he has no desire to get wisdom?” (Proverbs 17:16)

Don’t be that fool. Instead, take the time to acquire wisdom before you chase after wealth. You’ll be glad you did. Learn about the benefits of budgeting, money management, saving, basic investing – this will be your foundation of wisdom. As you acquire some wealth, use it to gain even more wisdom. Invest in your financial education. Spend some money on surrounding yourself with trusted advisors (accountants, lawyers, financial planners, etc). Outsource menial tasks so you can get the highest ROI for your time.

Practice what you’ve learned, keep striving to learn more, and be disciplined and prudent, and over time your eyes will open to hidden knowledge that will help you truly understand how to make the most of your money so that you can live a life of financial freedom.

I’m not suggesting that you have to be super rich to be fulfilled, only that you should strive to have enough wisdom such that you are the ruler of your money and not vice versa – regardless of how much you earn, any of us can achieve this if we acquire the knowledge necessary to live in this manner.

It’s been proven time and time again – it’s not how much you make, but how much you keep. With wisdom, you can keep more of whatever you make so that you can enjoy the treasures of life that are most meaningful to you.

What is your Wealth?

Solomon’s wisdom applies to more than just finances or building the proverbial house. We could substitute any number of other endeavors – building a career, learning a sport/musical instrument, and even the concept of building the best version of YOU there can be. Let’s talk about the you in You.

If you want to live the best life possible, you’ll need to become the best YOU possible.

How do you build the best you?

By using wisdom to build a solid foundation within your life. Once you’ve done that, you can continue to learn about yourself and your world and gain the understanding you need to establish your place in life (for example discovering your mission or deciding what you want your life’s legacy to be all about).

Having built a foundation of wisdom by knowing yourself, and then gaining the understanding necessary to truly know your life’s mission, you’ll be on your way to living a life fulfilled – and when you take action each day to fulfill your mission, you’ll end up acquiring the deepest knowledge of all about yourself, that in turn, will start filling you with knowledge you could never have fathomed in the beginning: that rare and beautiful treasure will be YOU.

With wisdom as your guide, you’ll gain a sense of personal fulfillment and a conscious confidence that you are living your life’s destiny. Best of all, by becoming the best you possible, you’ll put yourself in a position to change the world by helping others too.

And it all starts with wisdom!

Whatever you are building, be sure to use Wisdom as your foundation. If you need help finding wisdom, just open King Solomon’s Book of Proverbs to pretty much any page, And I’m confident it will give you understanding that will improve your life!

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You can’t rush greatness

A friend of mine told me this story about patience…

A martial arts student went to his teacher and said earnestly, “I am devoted to studying your martial system. How long will it take me to master it.”

The teacher’s reply was casual, “Ten years.”

Impatiently, the student answered, “But I want to master it faster than that. I will work very hard. I will practice everyday, ten or more hours a day if I have to. How long will it take then?”

The teacher thought for a moment, “20 years.”

Too often we try to rush through life and force things to happen before their time, when in reality, what we need is patience and the willingness to let life unfold at its own pace. King Solomon also spoke on this topic when he gave the following piece of advice (Prov 19:2) “It is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty and miss the way.”

Slow down. Listen more. Be willing to watch and learn. Take advice. Be patient. These are steps along the path to wisdom.

 

Chapter 15 of “A Life Worth Living” – Tragedy

IClick here to read the earlier chapters and learn more about this serial novel

Chapter 15 – Tragedy
(2004)

“Tragedy – when the feelin’s gone and you can’t go on, it’s tragedy.” The Bee Gee’s sang those lyrics back in 1979 but I never really understood them until 2004. I was at one of the high points of my life: Anne and I were engaged, Sassy was healthy and happy, I’d just secured a high paying, exciting new job, we were living in a beautiful new home, and everything was right with the world.

Naturally that’s when tragedy struck — my beloved grandmother Pauline died the day before I was to start my new job!

Now truth be told, my gram had had numerous medical problems during the last twenty or so years of her life – including multiple hip surgeries, high cholesterol which led to heart disease, diabetes, and more. And in the years between 2000 and 2004 she had been having issues with fluid in the lungs leading to congestive heart failure, so she’d been in and out of the hospital a number of times — but she’d always pulled through.

Only this time was different — this time she would not be going home.

It was Easter Sunday, 2004 and things turned so bad so quickly that I didn’t get a chance to get back to Williamsport in time to be by her side. All I could manage to do was  talk with her over the phone on that fateful day — telling her how much I loved her and how she had changed my life in so many ways, while getting just a whisper of a reply of her love in return. It wasn’t enough — for either of us. And I could feel that the separation broke both our hearts. Those raspy whispers of grandmotherly love from so far away still haunt me to this day.

Why was I so affected? Because my gram was one of the driving forces that had helped to turn me into the man I became, she was one of the few people in the world who I KNEW loved me for me no matter what, and she was the foundation of my entire family. I foolishly felt that she would always be around for me — and yet I wasn’t there when she needed me most! The loss shattered me — and if not for Anne and Sassy I don’t know how I could have made it through that dark time.

Things were a bit of a blur for awhile. My new boss was thankfully understanding enough to allow me to delay starting my pharma job while Anne and I rushed off to PA for my grandmother’s funeral (leaving Rose to look after Sassy for a bit). I don’t remember much of trip except that I got a chance to see lots of family members who I hadn’t been around in years.

It was great to be around so many familiar faces from my youth – but it also got me to thinking…

Why does it always take a tragedy to bring families together?

Why must the hustle and bustle of ‘real life’ tear us apart?

Why do we work so hard to build strong ties and work even harder to go off and do our own thing?

These are the questions I was pondering at the time — sadly I still don’t have the answers. 

As for my gram’s funeral, while I don’t recall the mass, but I do have vivid memories of the viewing — it seemed to last for hours as hundreds of people came by to pay their respects to my grandmother and seeing how much she was loved by so many people brought a bit of sunlight to my darkness. And, despite the heartache I was experiencing at the time, there was a bit of humor that I’d be remiss to overlook. As the crowds came through the viewing line and paid their condolences first to my gram’s children (including my father), and then to the grandchildren (including me), I found myself as something of a display item — as countless scores of elderly Italian grandmothers (many whom I’d recognized as long time friends of my gram) commented to each other about how much I was my grandmother’s favorite, her #1, her heart and soul, the pride and joy of her life, etc. I’m sure you can see how this would be both touching to me but also heartrending, but I doubt you can see the humor in it, right? Until you realize that these women were saying all this in front of the other grandkids as well — for you see, Italian grandmothers aren’t shy about speaking their minds…loudly. I don’t think they were intending to insult anyone, but then again I don’t think they really cared if they did — they were simply speaking the truth and it just came natural to them. This was never more evident than when a pair of my gram’s best friends came through the line, held me in awe as “Pauline’s Favorite,” shook my hand with tears in their eyes, and then looked upon my sister Tara sitting next to me and said to each other (words that everyone could hear), “Don’t worry about her, that’s just the sister, and we don’t know the rest, so let’s move on” and then they shuffled away. (I kid you not, this really happened and to this day both Anne (and thankfully Tara!) get a sarcastic laugh out of that experience).

While it was nice to see so many family and friends gather in Williamsport for my grandmother’s funeral, I left with a feeling of unease — after realizing that I had missed so much of my grandmother’s last years, I began to fear that my grandfather would also soon pass – and that I’d experience the same loss with his life as well. After all, my grandparents got married shortly after he came back from World War II and they’d been together for over 60 years! I wasn’t sure how my grandfather would cope with this new change in his life, since he’d relied on my gram for everything. Would he be able to go on? 

In spite of my worries, I knew I couldn’t realistically just up and move back to PA. I had to rely on my parents and relatives back home to take care of my grandfather – thankfully he proved resilient (although I’m sure he had lots of help from his friends – Mr. Coors and Mr. Bud). Meanwhile, I wanted to find a way to capture some of his essence in a memorable way, so I did some research on the topic and stumbled upon the idea of doing a video interview about his life — in which I would ask him a series of questions and let him just talk. Knowing that he was a garrulous man by nature, I figured this would be right up his alley. To accomplish the feat I returned back home a couple months later, and although it took some finagling (and a few Coors), I was finally able to convince my grandpop to sit down with me and chat (with the video camera running in the background).

I’ve got to tell you that this ended up being one of the best family experiences I’ve ever participated in! I came prepared with a long series of questions that covered his whole life, and the more I got him talking (and drinking!) the more he shared (and the more he genuinely seemed to enjoy it too). When it was all said and done I ended up learning more about my grandparents than I’d ever known before, and I felt closer to my grandpop as well – and since he was already one of my favorite persons in the world that’s saying something. In addition, I’d captured a family keepsake in the process – for the video I produced was one that the entire extended family would later enjoy.

But it wasn’t all fun and games – little did I know that one of my questions would spark a bit of a controversy: in an effort to capture a complete history I asked about past loves. Since they’d been married for over 50 years I figured it was harmless, right? Wrong. Oh sure, my grandfather had no trouble boasting about his prior girlfriends (especially during his days in the Marines). In fact he laughed long and proud about his clever way to keep up with them all (“I just sent them all the same love letter but changed the name at the top”); and he even made fun of himself when he revealed that he once made the mistake of sending copies of his love  letter to two girls who lived in the same town and who were friends (“Imagine their surprise when they both read my letter and it said that each was the only one for me! That took a bit of explaining to overcome.”). But my grandpop was not quite so keen to talk about my grandmother’s prior boyfriends (“She didn’t have any,” he professed) and when I related to him that she and other family members had told me that she once had a date with another boy in town while my grandpop was away at the war, he dismissed it as rubbish. At the time I merely accepted his word and moved on with the interview. Yet little did I know that he did not forget that bit of gossip – and for months afterward I (and other family members) would get calls from him to dispute the fact that my gram had ever had any boyfriends before him – he had various ‘proofs’ of this, to include even calling into question the alleged boyfriend’s sexual preference. It was quite hilarious to see him go to such lengths and my father, uncles, and I had quite a few laughs about it all. Who knew, right?

In any case, as much fun as it was to share such memories, eventually I had to get back to the real world and to the business of living my own life. No one could ever replace either of my grandparents and I was still grateful that I at least had my grandfather around and I was happy to see him start to recover. As for my gram, not only would I always have the memories with me of how she changed my life, but I had something else that always reminded me of her as well – Sassy — for as I’ve said before, and as you’ll continue to see, Sassy and my gram were cut from the same cloth of souls.

I honestly believe that having Sassy by my side every day helped to ease my pains and bring me joy again. I just prayed I could do the same for her…

 

Sassy’s Life Lesson #15 – Tragedy strikes us all

We’ve talked numerous times about the fact that Life is filled with ups and downs. Recall the following lessons: Chapter 8 – Nothing Lasts Forever, Chapter 13 – A Time for Everything, and Chapter 14 – For Every Action, a Reaction. Once again we’re reminded of how fickle life can be.

Our friend Solomon has another great quote for us. This one is from Ecclesiastes 9:12 — “No one knows when their hour will come: As fish are caught in a cruel net, or birds are taken in a snare, so people are trapped by evil times that fall unexpectedly upon them.”

Tragedy is real. Death is a certainty for us all. There is no guarantee of tomorrow. We know all these things and yet we still take life for granted. Perhaps it’s just another of our fatal flaws? As a result, we’re always left to wonder – oh, what might have been?

But there is hope. You can break a portion of this vicious cycle. The first awareness of how fragile life is. The second step is taking action – do what we’ve talked about so many times: LIVE…LOVE…and TELL others how much you love them. Don’t wait to do these things – do them right now. After all, there is no other moment in time during which you have control then “NOW” – so make the most of it.

 

Points to Ponder

Can you recall an unexpected tragedy that occurred in your life? What do you wish you would have done differently BEFORE the event happened? What did you learn from the experience?

Most importantly of all, what are you doing differently now to make sure you have no regrets when the NEXT tragedy strikes?

Chapter 14 of “A Life Worth Living” – For Every Action, a Reaction

IClick here to read the earlier chapters and learn more about this serial novel

Chapter 14 – For Every Action, a Reaction
(2004)

For every action there is a reaction and 2004 continued to prove the validity of that wisdom to us.

Although friends came and went in Sassy’s life, our little yorkie continued to flourish in her new home. As I mentioned before, Sassy’s pleasures were simple: she loved listening to music, she ate food in a style similar to Garfield, and most of all, she enjoyed just sitting in the sun on the back patio or watching the world go by via the window next to the front door. It was a simple life. She was happy.

“Our small lanai is nice, but how about we extend it like Tommy’s?” I asked Anne. “Look at how additional space they have under their extended roof?”

“I love the idea, Michael.” Anne agreed. “But if you’re gonna have a contractor out to do it, I want them to also screen in the front door area too – you have no idea how dirty that space gets!”

“Cool your breeches,woman.” I laughed, using one of my dad’s favorite expressions. I was happy to see Anne agreeing with me but not so thrilled to have her driving up the price of the project. “Let’s get some quotes first, ok? Then we can decide what things we can afford?”

Anne wasn’t amused, “All I’m saying, Michael, is that if there’s enough money to get what you want, then there better be enough to get what I want too. After all, what I’m asking for is only a tiny area – much smaller than your new room.”

“Ok, ok, we’ll see.” I smiled winsomely, hoping she’d forget.

I’m guessing you can figure out what happened next – oh I got the patio extension out back (adding a couple hundred square feet of “indoor-out” space under a covered roof), and of course, Anne got her wish as well since we screened in the front door area. In addition, the contractor told Anne that if we used an extended kickplate, it would keep out even more dirt – that was all Anne had to hear to be sold on the idea and so we ended up with 18-inch kick-plate that lined both the front and back extensions.

“Looking good, huh?” I surveyed ‘my work’ while enjoying a beer under the new back patio. Little did I realize that my satisfaction would be short lived.

“Honey, you’d better come and see this.” Anne called to me from inside. “We have a problem.”

Dreading those words, I set down my beer and begrudgingly made my way in.

“Look at Sassy.” Anne pointed.

Sassy was sitting in one of her beds – in this case the one that gave her a view out the window by the front door. But, enjoying one of her favorite past times and looking through the window to the world outside, now Sassy was just lying in her bed with a hang dog look.

“What’s the matter, girl?” I knelt down beside her to pet her — and then immediately saw the problem.

“She can’t–” Anne began.

“See outside.” I interrupted. “We blocked her view with that dang kickplate!”

It’s true – while that extended kickplate may have done a great job keeping out dust, it did an even better job of obstructing Sassy’s view. Worse yet, this wasn’t just a problem in the front — that kickplate lined the entire back patio too. This meant that Sassy had now gone from having a clear view of the entire backyard and front walkway to having NO view of it! And on top of that there was no way for us to change it – unless we wanted to have the contractor come back and redo a significant portion of the work – which wasn’t really an option because we didn’t have the funds in our budget to spend.

“I feel terrible.” Anne picked up Sassy. “We’re so sorry, girl.”

“What about if we open up the screen door in the back so she can lay in the grass?” I struggled for a solution.

“First off, you know as well as I that Sassy doesn’t spend any more time in the grass than she needs to. Secondly, she’s so small I’m afraid a hawk might come by and pick her up.” And here Anne proceeded to remind me again about recent news articles that described two separate incidents of small dogs being carried away by large birds.

“Perhaps we can just leave the screen door open in the back so Sassy can at least look out?”

Anne thought about it. “Well, it defeats the purpose of keeping out the dust, but it will have to do…for now.”

So, in the end, we lived with a little dust out back and Sassy still got to enjoy a portion of her view. Unfortunately she lost the ability to enjoy any view through the front door – and this lost vision was perhaps an ominous sign of the shape of things to come…

***

Meanwhile, I had a new job to focus on.

It’s kind of funny to see how interrelated life is. It’s been said that people come and go in your life for a reason – if you are open to the possibilities — I believe Liz was one of those people.I’d spent seven years building a career in insurance with USAA and really loved the company, my friends there, and the work itself. What’s interesting is that fairly early on during my time at USAA (prior to ever meeting Anne), Liz was my original supervisor and later one of my sales managers — she’d helped me to take advantage of a couple opportunities that propelled my career forward. As a result, I’d gained experience in a variety of capacities within the insurance world including sales, claims adjusting, underwriting, and sales management. I’d also acquired so many continuing education designations that I needed two nameplates to showcase them all. Because of my experience and educational success I like to think I was a rising star within USAA, as I’d built a great reputation and by the early 2000’s I was repeatedly offered new opportunities for advancement. However two things were working against me: I was getting pressure to transfer to the home office in San Antonio in order to rise higher in the ranks (while I probably would have done that, Anne had no desire to move to San Antonio) and unless I could rise a lot higher, my financial prospects were limited.

Now as I noted previously, Liz had left USAA in 2003 to get into the pharmaceutical world, and since initially everything was still great with her and Kris, we were all still friends back then — as a result, I got a chance to do a few ‘ride-alongs’ with her and really learn what the pharma business was all about. Once I realized the kind of money Liz was making (almost double what I was as a sales manager at USAA), I knew I owed it to myself and my future family to learn more.

To be honest with you, I’d never pictured myself in a medical career path before and my only prior experience with a pharma opportunity was this: upon graduating from college in 1993 I had one interview with Pfizer and as I’d done no preparation for the interview and balked when they talked about all the travel, I didn’t get that job and really never had any further desire to break into that field. Quite frankly I felt that pharma reps were just a bunch of overpaid hype artists who were part of the problem as to why medical costs were so expensive in this country. However after doing those ride-alongs with Liz, I got a chance to see her in action and better understand the value of her relationships with her customers; in addition, I realized that I too could thrive in such an environment (self-directed outside sales, the opportunity to manage a territory as my personal business, etc). As a result, I revised my views about pharma reps and decided to look into the opportunities that might be available to me too.

Back in 2004, it was still relatively difficult to get into the world of pharma — unless you were recruited out of college, had a medical background, or knew somebody, you’re only choice was to go to job fairs and cattle call interviews. Since there weren’t any openings with Liz’s company, my prospects were nil to start with. Although I felt like I’d built a resume that showed a history of success in sales and management at USAA, I knew my lack of medical experience and my lack of contacts in the industry might pose a problem, so rather than just follow the job fair crowd, I decided to do some research about how best to break in. I’d read a few books on how to become a pharma rep and applied the techniques – fully expecting it would take me multiple attempts to break into the industry and setting a goal of getting an offer within six months to a year.

When I felt like I was ready to finally interview I went to a job fair with a company called “Aventis” in the spring of 2004. When I showed up at the interview site I received quite a shock — there were about 500 people already in line! Suddenly the term cattle-call finally made sense to me. As the line slowly moved, I got closer and closer to the interview room. All along I continued to remind myself of my interview best practices (I was known among my friends and work colleagues as a bit of a guru on the subject of how to interview and truth be told I was the one who helped Liz develop her brag book and prepare for her pharma interview the year prior). Even still, I wasn’t sure my techniques would work in such an environment – where time was so tight and I might not get a chance to employ my special techniques.

When I finally got into the room, I took stock of my surroundings – there were three interviewers set up around the conference room, each conducting an interview. I was directed to the next available interviewer. The man introduced himself as “Thomas Cruise” and took a brief look at my resume. I made an attempt to break the ice by commenting on his name  (probably not the brightest thing to do since he’d surely heard the comparisons to the actor about a million times already that day) – strike one! Without even a smile, Mr. Cruise then asked me to briefly describe my work experience to him, which I proceeded to do — but as I was talking I noticed an ominous sight — my interviewer appeared bored with me and was actually looking around the room at other people – strike two! Getting a bit frustrated by Mr. Cruise’s lack of respect, feeling like I’d already blown this opportunity, and figuring I had nothing to lose I stopped talking about myself.

“Mr. Cruise, it sure seems to me like you’re not interested in what I have to say,” I advised calmly (although I was anything but).  “So here’s what I’m gonna do – how about I ask you what kind of people you need on your team  and then tell you how I can fill that need.”  

Not only did I not strike out, but I felt like I hit a solid single because Mr. Cruise’s demeanor completely changed!

“Call me, Tom.” He smiled. “Can you come back in a couple hours for a second interview?”

As it turned out, not only did I get a second (much longer) interview with Tom later that day, but I also got another with his boss a few days later. During those meetings I used a variety of interview skills to control the discussion and move myself forward in the process, including using a well-validated brag book, a powerpoint presentation about my plans for the territory, memorizing the drug’s package insert and then using it to conduct a mock sales call (naturally remembering my ‘ABC’s’ and closing the deal at the end), and even giving a small gift for the interviewer — in Tom’s case I’d learned that he was a baseball fan and so I brought him one of my authentic team hats from the Little League World Series memorabilia I had at home — it turned out to be a great ‘investment on my part because I got the job! In fact, I was one of only two people to receive an offer out of the 500+ applicants (with the other person an already experienced pharma rep).

“I knew you could do it!” Anne smiled as she held Sassy in her arms when I returned home later that day. “So what now?”

“I guess I give my notice to USAA.” I replied, showering both of them with kisses in my joy. “They want me to start in April – we have some kind of national meeting in Vegas.”

“I’m so happy for you.” Anne replied. “I know you worked so hard and you really deserve it. You’re going to be great.”

“I’m happy for us, honey! Here we are in this new house, we’re happy, we’re healthy, and our whole lives are before us. Soon we’ll be married, then have kids, and the rest is history!”

Ah, if only life was so easy, right? Little did I know that my world was about to turn upside down due to an expected family tragedy…

 

Sassy’s Life Lesson #14 – For Every Action, A Reaction. 

We got a new patio extension…Sassy lost her view. I got a new job in pharmaceuticals…and I gave up a promising career in insurance that, looking back now, would have easily carried me through to a secure retirement without the many headaches that were soon to come in the medical field. Such is life – for every action, there is a reaction.

Solomon spoke a bit on this subject and I’d like to submit his words for your review. (Eccl 7: 14) “When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other.”

The fact of the matter is that life has it’s up’s and down’s. We can’t enjoy good times every day of our lives. The scales of life always seek to find a balance. That’s why it’s so critical that we make every effort to enjoy each moment. As Henry David Thoreau once said, we need to ‘suck the marrow’ out of life each day. Pay attention to your opportunities to enjoy life and when given the chance do just that. You never know what awaits you on the morrow.

 

Points to Ponder

What are some examples in your life where you’ve experienced an Action/Reaction situation? Is there anything you would have done differently?

Is there anything you’re considering now that might lead to an Action/Reaction situation? Perhaps it might be worthwhile to talk things out with a trusted advisor.

 

FOCUS on the right path in life and GOOD things will follow

Today’s lesson is another piece of wisdom from Solomon, who said in Proverbs 4: 23-27…

Above all else, GUARD YOUR HEART for it is the wellspring of your life. Put away perversity from your mouth, keep corrupt talk from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead, FIX YOUR GAZE directly before you. Make LEVEL PATHS for your feet and take only ways that are fir. DO NOT SWERVE to the right or the left, KEEP YOUR FOOT from evil.

I added the emphasis in order to draw your attention to King Solomon’s commands — these words of wisdom are powerful instructions if we only listen. Solomon begins by telling us to guard our hearts from perversity and corruption (which I think most people will agree is common sense). But for me the real pearls are what follows – look straight ahead, fix your gaze, take level paths, do not swerve, keep our foot from evil – these are the secret to living the righteous life, the one that will put us on the path to freedom. It’s so simple — if we just DO IT.

Most of all I love the phrase “take only ways that are firm” – this applies to so much in life: from making wise investments, to prudent prepping against natural disasters, to finding the right job and friends in life so we don’t go off track. This wisdom has so much to offer it’s worth its wait in gold!

Do you make Life harder than it has to be?

“A man’s own folly ruins his life, yet he rages against the Lord.” (Solomon Prov 19:3)

“Nature’s way is simple and easy, but men prefer what is intricate & artificial” (Lao Tzu)

Can you see the wisdom of these words? If we are truly honest with ourselves, I bet you’ll admit that more often than not we are the ones responsible for our troubles – whether that be due to lack of discipline, walking down paths we know we shouldn’t go, poor planning, or any number of other reasons.

Consider the following examples from nature and notice the difference:

  1. Fish swim with the current.
  2. Palm trees sway with the winds – even during the raging of a hurricane.
  3. Birds ride the air currents as they fly.

Ask yourself – are you swimming against the current, walking into the wind, or resisting the inevitableness of change? If so, you are making life harder than it has to be. Why not instead find a way to go with the flow and use that natural flow to your advantage? Remember the mantra of a judo master, “If pushed, pull; if pulled, push.” Instead of fighting against forces stronger than yourself, find a way to use them to your advantage.

butterflyPerhaps the best example of this comes from author Richard Bach who said, “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.”

Become that butterfly!

 

References: Proverbs, Lao Tzu, Dan Millman’s “Body Mind Mastery”

 

 

There is no guarantee of Tomorrow. Don’t Wait to Enjoy Your Life

We’ve talked with each other about this subject in the past, but I was re-reading a passage today in Ecclesiastes that was so powerful I had to share it with you. Understand this – we are all going to die. Yes, it’s a shame, but it’s also the truth. And the sooner we accept the fact that our time in this world is but a breath before we are gone, the sooner we can understand that NOW is the time to LIVE – not just to get by or hope for better things at some point in the future, but to live with PASSION in THIS moment. The title of this article may be a cliche but that’s ok – so long as you get the message – tomorrow is NOT a certainty, the only thing you know for sure is that you are alive, right here, right now – so make the most of it and DO WHAT YOU LOVE.

embrace-the-challenge

Here is the quote from King Solomon that I wanted to share with you…

(Eccl 9:1-10) And Solomon said, “So I reflected on all this and concluded that…all [men] share a common destiny — the righteous and the wicked, the good and the bad…The same destiny overtakes all. The hearts of men are full of madness while they live, and afterward they join the dead. Anyone who is living has hope…For the living know that they will die, but the dead know nothing, and even the memory of them is forgotten. Their love, their hate, their jealousy will all vanish; never again will they have a part in anything that happens under the sun.

Therefore, go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your win with a joyful heart, for it is NOW that God favors what you do. Enjoy life…all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life…Whatever your hand finds to do, DO IT NOW WITH ALL YOUR PASSION, for in the grave, there is [nothing]…”

I realize that reading like is a bit like a kick in the gut, but hopefully this kind of straight talk will reach you where it counts and get you to TAKE ACTION to pursue your passions. God has blessed you with ability and dreams. Use those gifts to make your life and the lives of those you love better. Live the best life you can right now.